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35 notes

Posted at 1:45am
Tagged Protein

 


Typical CrossFit Workout

It took me most of the video to even realize this was a joke.

- Tony “Two Scoops” Muscoli

 
8 notes

Posted at 7:45pm
Tagged CrossFit

 


Why Women Should Wear Yoga Pants 100% of The Time

This is why women should always be sporting yoga pants:

You don’t run the risk of getting pantsed if you got some hip huggers on.  I don’t care if you are bloated or on your period or whatever.  Ladies, save yourselves the embarrassment of showing off your ass to everybody at the gym, by wearing pants that show your ass off to everybody at the gym.

I have no ulterior motives in making these statements.

-Tony “Two Scoops” Muscoli

 
12 notes

Posted at 4:04pm
Tagged Yoga Pants

 


Jay Cutler’s Swole Birthday Cake is Swole

Look how swole Jay Cutler’s bicep birthday cake is.  I bet that thing is full of protein powder too. 

That’s a bulking cake if I’ve ever seen a cheat meal… and I’ve seen cheat meals.

- Tony “Two Scoops” Muscoli

 


Arnold on Drugs

Preach.

 
22 notes

Posted at 3:31pm
Tagged Arnold Schwarzenegger

 


Escalator Etiquette While on a Bulk

On my way down into the subway this morning, a man - I want to say he was in his early 30s - brushes past me and scoffs, “pssht, who stands on the down escalator?”

I was so taken aback by this rudeness.  HOW DARE HE!  He doesn’t know me.  What if I am injured?  What if I had luggage?  What if I wasn’t a very athletic and perfectly capable human male?  Get off my dick bro.

"Pssht, who stands on the down escalator?” he says in passing.
I managed to blurt out, “NO CARDIO BRO!"  and I immediately wish I had said something more clever.  I yelled it at him too.  And I said it with such blind (‘roid) rage that I imagine I looked something like Caesar from Planet of the Apes - irrational spittle flying everywhere: 

No way I am letting these gains fall down the escalator.  Not today.  Maybe on a cut, but not today.

-Tony “Two Scoops” Muscoli

 


Building a Solid Supplement Stack

Alan Thrall’s Supplement Stack is Xtreme:

Nobody wants fat muscle.  You want LEAN muscle.

 
12 notes

Posted at 2:32pm
Tagged Alan Thrall Supplements

 


Jeff “Dickhead” King

Jeff King was an American amateur bodybuilder in the 1980s… fascinating. 

You don’t even have to squint, he just looks like the head of a penis.

I don’t like how that dickhead is smiling at me - makes me feel uncomfortable.

Jeff King looks oddly reminiscent of this guy:

-Tony “Two Scoops” Muscoli

 
5 notes

Posted at 2:27am
Tagged bodybuilding bodybuilders dickhead

 


Have Your Cake And Eat It Too (Comic)

The following comic from Cyanide & Happiness was brought to my attention:

Before anybody starts feeling sad that they aren’t eating cake, take into consideration the author of this comic: Dave McElfatrick.

His name is, quite literally, ELF - FAT - TRICK.  And that is exactly what this comic is: an Elf’s Fat Trick.  Dave McElfatrick is nothing more than a tubby turd who is tricking only himself and other self-loathing individuals into thinking that short term gratification outweighs the immense feeling of self-worth garnered by those who are swole of body and mind.

Sorry Dave, nobody here at Two Scoops is going to fall for your elvish Fat Tricks.  We know the true meaning of happiness isn’t found within a pile of flour, butter, and sugar.  True happiness is found within - within our gloriously well muscled bodies.  And the only way to put that happiness within your self, is through self improvement, not self indulgence.

Dave, you can have your cake, and eat it too.  I don’t want cake, I want washboard abs and biceps that make it impossible for me to touch my own shoulders.

So while you, and others like you, try to justify your sloth-like, gluttonous existence by shaming those who take pride in themselves, we shall rise above… by editing your stupid butthead comic in MS Paint and posting it on Two Scoops:

-Tony “Two Scoops” Muscoli

 
 


I Bought A Tub of NO-Xplode from Rob Ford

I found this crystal in my tub of NO-Xplode:  

What do you think the street value of this rock would be?

-Joey “Juice” Vigaroni

 
16 notes

Posted at 12:19pm
Tagged Supplements NO-Xplode Crack