On my way down into the subway this morning, a man - I want to say he was in his early 30s - brushes past me and scoffs, “pssht, who stands on the down escalator?”
I was so taken aback by this rudeness. HOW DARE HE! He doesn’t know me. What if I am injured? What if I had luggage? What if I wasn’t a very athletic and perfectly capable human male? Get off my dick bro.
"Pssht, who stands on the down escalator?” he says in passing.
I managed to blurt out, “NO CARDIO BRO!" and I immediately wish I had said something more clever. I yelled it at him too. And I said it with such blind (‘roid) rage that I imagine I looked something like Caesar from Planet of the Apes - irrational spittle flying everywhere:
No way I am letting these gains fall down the escalator. Not today. Maybe on a cut, but not today.
-Tony “Two Scoops” Muscoli