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What Are Good Supplements for Kids Under 18?

child deadlifting like a boss

At 1:20am this morning, I received this inquiry from a younger Two Scooper:

hollister01922 - I’ve always wanted to be big I’m 14 and weigh 164 lbs, I know small right, but I bench the most in my grade level maxing out at 200lbs, am I on the right track ? I’m also 5’9. Doesn’t hurt to start early huh? But I know some of these supplements aren’t for my body just yet but could you recommend any?

My first reaction is to say, this kid is smart, and he is strong.  He is already benching 120+% of his bodyweight and is only 14 years old.  His grammar and punctuation could use a little work, but that will come with 8th Grade English.  Not to mention, he has the wherewithal to stay away from powerful supplements that may interfere with his body’s natural growth process.

midget overhead presses 225lbs

My advice to hollister01922, and any other younger Two Scoopers out there, would be to stick to real food.  Supplement your diet with two scoops of whey protein post-workout,… and pre-workout… and for breakfast, and also with lunch, dinner, and before bed.  And if you need a boost of energy before you train, drink coffee.  A multi-vitmain, creatine, and BCAAs won’t hurt you, but focus on eating a lot of natural foods while your body is still growing and adapting, puberty-ing, and having wet dreams.

You are in the prime of your life, your body is releasing growth hormones and testosterone like a motherfucker.  Your body can grow and heal faster than it every will be able to again.  All us older meatheads know that once you hit a certain age, your hormone levels and energy levels aren’t what they once were.  This is why we take supplements, to make us feel better about aging (also they make us huger).

Nature itself has given young lifters (under the arbitrary age of 18) all the tools they need to get big.  Eat clean, train hard, take Two Scoops of whey, murder people on the JV Football field, and you’ll be a Middle School BEAST.

But then I got this message from hollister01922 17 minutes later at 1:37am:

hollister01922 - Ayee tony, read your blog sounds good , much better than mine I’m only 15 and 5’9 and weigh 165 but I max out (bench) at 215 lbs. I’m on a good path right? Never too early right ? But I also know some supplements are too powerful for my body could you recommend some for me?

If your reading comprehension skills are good, you will notice that in the span of 17 minutes, hollister01922 became one year older, one pound heavier, and his max bench increased by 15lbs.  

This means that whatever advice I am giving to 14 year olds is dogshit compared to what this kid knows.  If you can increase your max bench by 15lbs in 17 minutes, don’t listen to me, just keep doing whatever it is you are doing (which I assume is taking Two Scoops).

child's toy bench press looks kind of awesome but also gay

Either that, or this kid was drunk and I am right.

-Tony “Two Scoops” Muscoli

 
7 notes

Posted at 12:04pm

 


Gold Medal Bodies Interview with Tony Two Scoops

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The boys at Gold Medal Bodies, @RyanHurstGMB and @AndyFossett, had me on their podcast this week to answer some questions about Two Scoops.

Listen to the Podcast (Streaming from GoldMedalBodies.com).

Download the Podcast (mp3)

This was my first time venturing out from behind the comfort and safety of my keyboard, and I’m not going to lie, it’s strange.  Given how many brain cells I’ve killed with JV Football concussions, passing out on max Barbell Bicep Curl sets, boozin and doobies, and #partyingwithdrugs, I enjoy the luxury of a backspace key when it comes to preaching the Two Scoops Gospel.

That being said, they asked me easy questions and I’ve mesmerized my blog cover-to-cover (‘cause I wrote that shit), so I regurgitated and passed.  

I would do another interview, just next time I will take 4.5 scoops of Ravage, yell high pitched Ronnie Coleman quotes at my interviewers, and eat my phone mid-interview.  Any takers?.  

-Tony “Two Scoops” Muscoli

 
3 notes

Posted at 11:54am

 


Fast & Furious 6 Movie Trailer Premiers at Super Bowl

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I don’t know if you guys knew this, but there was a Beyonce concert AND The Super Bowl playing at the same time as the Fast & Furious 6 Movie Trailer Premiere last night.

Do you guys really need me to tell you how awesome this will be?  I think just having Vin Diesel and The Rock on the playbill should be enough.


-Tony “Two Scoops” Muscoli

 
3 notes

Posted at 6:32pm

 


Vegetables: Are They Important For Getting Huge?

Reader Email:

Tony, 
Love Two Scoops, I read that shit everyday, but I have a question.  I know you say you eat a lot of protein, but what about vegetables?  Don’t you think that the micro-nutrients or phytonutrients or whatever in plants are important?

- Vegetably Curious

do i eat vegetables

Vegetables?  What are… I don’t know what those are?  Is that a bicep curl variation?  And what the fuck is a phytonutrient?  I don’t understand the question.

I’m kidding of course.  I know what vegetables are.  I run an internet bodybuilding/being-huge-and-awesome blog, so I have to be knowledgeable on these types of things.

I actually conducted my Senior Internet Blogging Doctoral Hypothethesis on vegetables.  My research suggests that “vegetables,” as you call them, are actually plants invented by vegans and ladyboys so that they can have regular bowel movements.

Below is an artist’s rendering of what “vegetables” might look like:
vegetables drawing

According to a study that I just made up, ‘people who eat a diet that consists primarily of fruits and vegetables can have up to 6 bowel movements a day [citation needed].”  Ain’t nobody got time fo dat.

I like to keep myself irregular by constipating myself with a high protein diet and painkillers - the pressure buildup helps you bust out some extra reps (just be careful not to shit yourself when you are maxing out on back squats).

-Tony “Two Scoops” Muscoli

 
14 notes

Posted at 2:09pm
Tagged Vegetables Nutrition Bodybuilding

 


What is Bro Science? with Dom Mazzetti

what is bro science

For those of you who don’t know Dom Mazzetti, he and I had had a little riff last year when he made his video “Dom Mazzetti vs. Meatheads" - and by riff, I mean I wrote a blog post about the video.

Since then, Dom has launched a new YouTube channel called BroScienceLife, and it would have been the first YouTube channel I’ve ever subscribed to, if I knew how to subscribe to a YouTube channel.  I laugh out loud at least once during each of his videos.

What is Bro Science? was the first video posted to this channel, and it sets the stage nicely for future videos from “The Dom.”

Dom Mazzetti & Tony Muscoli

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I’d like to think that Dom and Tony where childhood friends.  Growing up in Brooklyn, they used to hang out in the Gold’s Gym parking lot together, shooting paper clips at people running by and shouting “cardio loser!”  

Eventually Dom went away to acting school, and Tony stayed in Brooklyn to attend SUNY, but they kept in touch.  Dom became a YouTube sensation, while Tony struggled to write posts for a blog with 6 followers.  Tony developed a supplement problem that lead to bouts of Pre-workout Induced Insomnia and a horrifying case of Bull Testicles. 

Then, Tony’s modest, yet loyal following decided to help.  They wrote to Tony’s old friend Dom and said,

Dear Dom,
Have you ever considered inviting Tony Two Scoops onto your show?  He really needs your help right now.  He has developed a crippling supplement addiction and is taking upwards of 10 scoops a day - I can’t even count how many pills!  The roid rage is unbearable, his blog posts are starting to be affected.  I think having him on your show would help him get back on track.

Yours Hugely,
   A Concerned Two Scooper

You guys see what I am trying to do here? Copy and paste that letter into an email to Dom, or Tweet @DomMazzetti, or whatever you kids do these days. Help your Uncle Tony out.

-Tony “Two Scoops” Get Huge

 
3 notes

Posted at 3:46pm
Tagged Dom Mazzetti BroScience

 


Did “Mr. California” Just Call Me A Lightweight?

Rich Piana

If you can make it past the 2m20s intro, then you bear witness to this defecation on my soul:

"For you lightweights out there, that maybe have weak stomachs, maybe you can only do two scoops… What I do is the top dose, which is four scoops.  But you know, I’m still not happy with four scoops… so I do about 4.5 scoops." -Rich Piana

Did Rich “Mr. California” Piana just call me a lightweight!? 

Listen, you can insult me all you want, but you can NEVER insult the scoops.  Two Scoops is what got me, and all the other Two Scoopers out there, where we are today.  Two Scoops is about not settling for Number 1, and pushing out a Number 2… Wait that didn’t come out right - Two Scoops is about not settling for 1, and striving to be Number 2…? You know what I mean.

I can only imagine what kind of shits Mr. Four-And-A-Half Scoops takes (…big shits).

I’m pretty sure Piana’s shoulder veins alone carry enough blood to supply a Quentin Tarantino movie.  Other than that though, he doesn’t look so big - the camera ads 10 pounds, right?…

Rich Piana

Mr. California & NPC Champion

Name: Rich Piana
Residence: Northbridge, California, USA
Height: 6’0” (183 cm)
Contest Weight: 250 - 260 lbs. (113kg - 118kg)
Off-Season Weight: 280 - 290 lbs. (127kg - 132kg)

Rich Piana Dips

Sweet Eight Pound, Six Ounce, Newborn Baby Infant Jesus of Nazareth - that man is a MONSTER.

I pissed my spandex when I found this dude’s profile.  We are practically the same height, but he has 90 pounds on me.  That means he is 90 lbs wider than I am.  That is so… girthy.  It is fucked up, is what it is, and I want it. 

4.5 scoops it is I guess, until my intestines spitefully shit themselves out.

-Tony “Two Plus Two and A Half Scoops” Muscoli

 
19 notes

Posted at 1:16am
Tagged Rich Piana Two Scoops Lightweight

 


Where Can I Get “Muscle Guzzle” from This Sportscenter Ad?

I Googled “Muscle Guzzle” after watching this ad.  When I found out it doesn’t actually exist, I bought a Spartan costume to compensate.

-Tony “Two Scoops” Muscoli

 
1 note

Posted at 12:12pm
Tagged ESPN Sportscenter Supplements

 


Kimbo & Minion

Ronnie Coleman Incline Bench Pressing

Gather round everybody.  Please, Scoopers, scooch closer.  Put on your XL Snuggie, curl up with your laptop and a mug of hot chocolate whey, and let me tell you the tale of Kimbo and Minion.

Call me Muscoli.  I am a frequenter of the gym, a meaty man if I you will.  And as such, I have grown accustomed to the company of other such gym goers.  I see them frequently, their faces become familiar, and their character begins to emerge.  This is a story about two such characters.

In a magical region known as “New England,” which is like the original England, except it is paradoxically more diverse while at the same time more racist (lookin’ at you, South).  And in this magical land of New England, in one particular gym, at one particular time of the day, there are two guys who can always be seen training together at the gym. 

KimboThe first man is LARGE, to say the least.  Big, black, 6’4” Kimbo Slice looking motherfucker with a mean looking beard.  And every where Kimbo goes, his sidekick follows.  Kimbo’s sidekick is a scrawny, 5’6” Persian looking fellow with long, frizzy black hair tied back in an off-putting ponytail.  Kimbo and his Minion only spoke to each other in French.

Now on this day, Kimbo is setting himself up for a set of Barbell Bench Press. He has loaded a 45lb plate onto either end of the bar, followed by nine 10 lb plates. The 10lb plates were stacked all the way out to the end of the Olympic bar. 

Kimbo and Minion had spent so much time gathering the 10 lb plates from all over the gym, that gym staff had taken notice and come over to have words with the two.  A gym employee, dressed in black athletic shorts and a black polo shirt with the words “Master Trainer” emblazoned upon the back, strides over to speak to Kimbo. 

This “Master Trainer” is no small man.  His sleeves are strained by the girth of his biceps, and his chest was filled with the confidence of a man who has put in his due time with the iron.  Yet at a measly 6’1” he looked small next to Kimbo.

Master Trainer: "Excuse me sir, but could you please keep in mind that other patrons would like to use the 10 lb plates as well?"
Kimbo: "Of course."
Then, while maintaining eye contact with the trainer, Kimbo turns his head over his shoulder and calls back to Minion in his thick French accent, “Amar, help me take some of these plates off.

Ronnie Coleman Bench PressingKimbo then goes, lies down on the bench, and with a loud grunt, lifts the 315 lb bar off the rack, and starts pressing the bar, each rep accompanied by a loud grunt. 1…GAH! 2… AH! 3… AH!

When he finally reaches failure, he racks the weight with the help of Minion.  Minion then runs from end to end and sheds a 10 lb plate, splashing it on the floor. Kimbo starts pressing again.  With each rep his grunts and shouts of exertion grow louder!  Nearly everybody in the weight room has stopped what they were doing and are peering over at the Bench Press Rack to catch a glimpse of this most glorious spectacle.  

Minion sheds another 10 lb plate, Kimbo presses the bar.  This repeats until all eighteen 10lb plates are littered across the floor. Completing about 4-5 reps at each weight, this whole process took almost 2 minutes.  The sound of the weights dropping on the floor seemed to harmonize with Kimbo’s shouts, culminating in a cacophony of testosterone that had gawking gym goers rolling their eyes with admiration.

Then it was over, and there was silence…

Kimbo stands up, a towering behemoth of a man, and gazes around at the destruction he has caused.  Then he looks at the Master Trainer (who hasn’t moved yet), and calmly says, "You can use the weights now." 

He then strides off, leaving everyone in aw, and his minion scampering around picking up 10 lb plates off the floor.

I think my dick actually got smaller watching this all happen.  Kimbo had out alpha-ed the most alpha male. I beta go home and rethink my life goals.

-Tony “Too Small” Muscoli

 
10 notes

Posted at 9:13am
Tagged Kimbo Slice Bench Press Weightlifting

 


Getting Shredded for Ultra Music Festival

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Bro how shredded are you going to get for Ultra?

I’m going to get so fucking shredded. Insanely shredded. Ultra shredded.  Shredded like the lettuce in the salads I don’t eat.  Sly in Rambo 2 shredded.  Ben Stiller in Tropic Thunder shredded. Firesale at Iron Mountain shredded.

I’m going to get so tight you can see ab striations.  I’m not going to drink water for days.  It’s going to look like somebody spray painted my epidermis onto my pectorals.  Even my penis will look tight. The skin will have that boner-stretched look, even when it’s flaccid.

I’m going to look harder than the tree that girl sexed at last year’s Ultra:
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Video for those interested.

In the month leading up to UMF, I’m going to eat nothing but cardio and egg whites.  I’ve already stocked up on a 1 year supply of Hydroxycut Hardcore that should last me the month.

Is there such a thing as negative body fat?  If your answer is “no,” then you need to see me at Ultra.  Shredded.

I’m going to get more fucking cut than this old man:
image

I’m telling you guys, I’m going to be so cut up for Ultra.  Chicks are going to want to grind my quads. Have you ever seen my calf muscle? Neither have I… until ULTRA! Shredded.  I’m even going to shave my legs so you can see my calf in high definition.  I am not going to shave my whole leg though, I’m not a chick.  I am just going to shave out little windows on my calves.

I’m going to get so cut, so shredded, so inhumanly dehydrated, that any hit of Ecstasy would cause immediate cardiac arrest.  I’m going to rage 16 hours a day, for 3 days straight, on testosterone alone.

I’m going to get so shredded.

-Tony “Two Scoops” Muscoli

 
18 notes

Posted at 10:40am
Tagged Ultra Music Festival Ultra Shredded

 


Orgasms from Exercise: The Solution to All Your Problems

Orgasm from Exercise
Boston Globe
- A study, which surveyed 530 women who volunteered to answer questions about their sexual feelings when exercising, found that 370 of the survey respondents reported experiencing either an orgasm or sexual pleasure when they exercised.  About one-third of that group said they occasionally had all-out orgasms most often while doing abdominal exercises, which strengthen core muscles, as well as climbing ropes, weight lifting or running.

Gentlemen, this is wonderful news!  Gone, now, are the days when men would slave away, struggling to provide their lady partners with that elusive female orgasm.  Now you can just tell one in every three girls you sleep with, “hey, sorry I came so fast.  Just go do sit-ups until you finish too.” Problem solved.  I think I may have just saved a few marriages. 

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How to properly target the abdominal muscles.

Learning that women can have orgasms from exercise is a total game changer!  How many times have you found yourself in this situation:
Your significant other is horny, but you have to watch Sunday Night Football.  For whatever reason, your girl says that giving you bo-bobs while you watch the game isn’t going to cut it.  Knowing what we know now, this is a perfectly legitimate response:

"Go do some abdominal exercises.  I’ll be with you in a minute.  I need to watch Ray Lewis murder somebody else before he retires."

Sit-ups are the perfect solution!  Your girl gets off while she gets a workout - talk about two birds! 

Everybody wins: she is sexually content, she doesn’t feel as guilty for sneaking a piece of cheesecake for breakfast, and you got to watch Andrew Luck’s luck run out. 

Now that I have saved you thousands of dollars in couples therapy, please send donation inquiries to tonymuscoli@gmail.com. 

Sincerely,
Tony “Two Scoops” Muscoli

Thanks to James G. Guttershot for the article.