We’ve been talking about it since its inception, but I haven’t eaten one until today:
The KFC Double Down Sandwich.
As KFC.com describes it:
The new KFC Double Down sandwich is real! This one-of-a-kind sandwich features two thick and juicy boneless white meat chicken filets (Original Recipe® or Grilled), two pieces of bacon, two melted slices of Monterey Jack and pepper jack cheese and Colonel’s Sauce. This product is so meaty, there’s no room for a bun!
Are you kidding me? Look at that thing! It is utterly ridiculous. I can’t believe anybody would actually buy one of those things. I mean, why would you buy one - when you can buy two? Two chickens, get huge. Obviously.
That is the most glorious fast food creation I may have ever seen. I want to stick my dick in between those two chicken filets it looks so good. The chicken. The cheese. The bacon. The innovation. The PROTEIN.
The KFC Double Down with Original Recipe (Fried) chicken has 53g of protein. The KFC Double Down with Grilled Chicken has 60 g of protein. That is fucking two scoops if I’ve ever had two scoops. To put it in perspective, NOTHING on the McDonald’s menu comes close. The best they can do is the Double Quarter Pounder® with Cheese++, which comes in a limpdick 2nd place with 48g protein. The Big Mac and innuendouslly named Big N’ Tasty come in last fucking place with only 25g and 24g of protein respectively. My shits have more protein than a Big Mac. I can get 24g of protein in one scoop of protein. Add milk to that shake? I’m well over 30g of protein, easy. These burgers should be renamed the Big Hack and the Small N’ Nasty. Whatever. I’m over it. Let’s get back to the matter at hand.
“We are all gathered here today, to join your face, and the Double Down, in holy matrimony…”
The Grilled Chicken Double Down has only 480 calories and still pumps your arteries small intestines with 60 grams of protein. If that doesn’t make your pants tight then I don’t know what will. In closing, to summarize, the long and short of it is, simply put, this is plain and simply the only way to eat fast food if you want to be get big and stay big.
As always, if we catch you only ordering just one, you are banned from reading this HOG. HOG = huge + blog. Holy shit, we are trademarking that shit right now: HOG® is a registered copyrighted patented trademark of our fake company Biceps Inc.
Get your skinny ass to KFC.
Final Words: Fast Food? Double Down. End of Story.
-Tony “Two Scoops” Muscoli
