Obviously I don’t read Cosmo. In fact, it was not without great moral deliberations that I even wrote something about Cosmo. However, my super hot girlfriend was reading Cosmo on the coach next to me while I watched Pumping Iron (like I do every day before I go to the gym), when she came across this little beef nugget from an article entitled, “Shit My Boyfriend Says.”
Cosmo - November 2010 - “Shit My Boyfriend Says”
We know that fathers can say crazy (and stupidly funny) things, but even those gems are nothing compared to the stuff that comes out of these guys’ mouths.
by Gillian Telling
“He looked at me and announced, ‘I have named my penis. From now on, please refer to him as Meatstack.’” - Kelly, 22
So anyway, my absolutely smoking hot girlfriend leans over and asks, what do you think of this girl’s boyfriend naming his dick Meatstack?
Genius. Pure genius. How did I not come up with this first? I am actually kind of ashamed that Cosmo beat me to it. I have named my penis many things, Gargantuan, The Samoan, Fulham Throttle, Diddy Kock, Vlad the Impaler, Squat Rack, Bobby Orr / Brett Favre (think number of inches), Mini Me, Tim - the list goes on. However, even with my extensive and dynamic (You’ll notice the list above slowly adapted to the amount of, what we in the business call, “steroid shrinkage” my penis encountered) dick-naming experience, I have never thought to name my dick Meatstack. It seems so simple, like it should have been right there in front of my face all this time! If this man does actually exist, and I hope that he does, then I hope he reads this: Bravo.
I vow here and now to never be out-dicked in a dick naming competition again. End of Story.
-Clyde Smalls a.k.a. The Clydestale
