I would really love to start a weekly segment called Gratuitous Amounts of Bicep, but I can’t honestly say that the writers at Two Scoops could keep up with a weekly segment. All a bunch of fucking meatheads who can take their creatine supplements and protein shakes like clockwork, but when it comes to writing more than a goddamn text message, we are about as unreliable as Amtrak.
Anyway, a weekly segment is worth a shot. So in our first, and possible last, installment of our weekly segment Gratuitous Amounts of Bicep, Two Scoops proudly presents our king, Arnold Schwarzenegger in the 1985 smash hit blockbusting cinematic masterpiece - Commando. Never seen it? Watch the first 45 seconds and you’ll get what we are hinting at:
I am pretty sure the sole purpose of this movie was to show off Arnold’s biceps. Is there even a plot? I think this is how the pitch went:
Executive Producer: Let’s make a movie about Arnold’s biceps.
Filmmaker: Uh, ok. So like Pumping Iron 2?
Executive Producer: No like a real movie.
Filmmaker: Is there going to be a plot? Or should we just dress him up in different sleeveless shirts and film his biceps?
Executive Producer: Yeah I was thinking something like that.
Filmmaker: Ok well as a filmmaker I can’t honestly let myself do that, so how about this: Arnold’s daughter gets kidnapped. Then he has to get her back, which he does primarily without a shirt.
Executive Producer: Gold. Here is $10 million dollars. Make it happen.
-Tony “Two Scoops” Muscoli
