Reader Email:
Tony,
Love Two Scoops, I read that shit everyday, but I have a question. I know you say you eat a lot of protein, but what about vegetables? Don’t you think that the micro-nutrients or phytonutrients or whatever in plants are important?
- Vegetably Curious
Vegetables? What are… I don’t know what those are? Is that a bicep curl variation? And what the fuck is a phytonutrient? I don’t understand the question.
I’m kidding of course. I know what vegetables are. I run an internet bodybuilding/being-huge-and-awesome blog, so I have to be knowledgeable on these types of things.
I actually conducted my Senior Internet Blogging Doctoral Hypothethesis on vegetables. My research suggests that “vegetables,” as you call them, are actually plants invented by vegans and ladyboys so that they can have regular bowel movements.
Below is an artist’s rendering of what “vegetables” might look like:
According to a study that I just made up, ‘people who eat a diet that consists primarily of fruits and vegetables can have up to 6 bowel movements a day [citation needed].“ Ain’t nobody got time fo dat.
I like to keep myself irregular by constipating myself with a high protein diet and painkillers - the pressure buildup helps you bust out some extra reps (just be careful not to shit yourself when you are maxing out on back squats).
-Tony "Two Scoops” Muscoli
