Features of the Funkybod muscle top:
- Chest plates giving a pumped look
- Shoulder plates to give a broader look
- Bicep plates giving bigger biceps
- Tricep plates giving bigger triceps
- Feels realistic to the touch
…
Features of the Funkybod muscle top wearer:
- Small chest ensuring a skinnyfat look
- Small shoulders to ensure a physically non-threatening appearance
- Small arms giving the women they covet no sense of security
- Small penis giving smaller penis
- Crippling vanity
- Feels soft to the touch
From the makers of Funkybod
"The Funkybod undershirt is designed to enhance your natural physique. Because of the way it is designed, there is a marked improvement in the look if the wearer has the typical visual manboob issues when wearing a shirt. This was not the intended market for the Funkybod muscle top. Initially, it was designed to enhance the upper body muscle groups of skinny to medium build men. After initial trials we found that some of the smaller men had manboob issues which were covered well with the Funkybod muscle top. This led us to experiment with larger men and look into the manboob issue further."
Sooooooo… this is a thing. Like, an actual thing. Somebody made a push-up bra for men… AND PEOPLE. ARE FUCKING. BUYING IT.
I love it. I don’t hate this guy for trying to profit off of weak-minded mens’ vanity. Hell, I wish I’d thought of it first. Why not try to extract profit from those less dedicated than ourselves? The fact that there is a market for this type of thing is only further proof of man’s innate thirst for two scoops.
Sure, you could spend the $50 you would spend on this shirt on a gym membership and actually make yourself a healthier, better person, but that takes time, effort, and a sense of self worth. Enter, The Funkybod muscle top - the inherently jejune solution to all your shortcomings.
Honestly, I hope this catches on. I hope the Funkybod undershirt becomes all the rage. I hope neckbeards and skinnyfats and lazy men everywhere start wearing these things out. I hope medium fit men start wearing these in place of working out. The pool of properly muscled men will shrink, leaving only the truly dedicated to dominate the free weights.
Eventually, women will catch on. They will be chatting up these possibly strapping young lads at a bar, and when he finally takes his shirt off, the jig will be up. Then the flirty, touch the bicep move, will become standard practice amongst women everywhere as a qualifier to see if the man they are talking to is the same man beneath his clothes. This is where us Two Scoopers will shine. When the Touch His Bicep Flirt Move becomes standard, the solid triceps and bicepticals of a hardened Two Scooper will be the exemplar above the Funkybod fucktards, and we shall once again reign supreme.
I say, bring on the Funkybod fake muscles, in the end, it will only make us meatheads more powerful.
-Tony “Two Scoops” Muscoli
