As I’m sure many of you aren’t wondering, my recent internet hiatus has been due to my moving across the country. I’ve moved from the East Coast to the West Coast in search of greener pastures and closer proximity to Arnold. However, despite being 2,500 miles closer to Gold’s Venice Beach, I could not be more uncomfortable.
California is sweet and all, but moving takes its toll. Change is difficult. You completely uproot your entire routine and a number of obstacles may affect your quest for swolccess.
Factors to Consider When Moving to a New City:
- Know Where the Gyms Are Before You Move
I cancelled my gym membership back East and moved without properly scouting out the gym scene. Now I have no gym membership, and I no longer have a gym within walking distance of both my home and office. I can feel myself shrinking already.
You are NOT helping Siri. - Check the Yelp Reviews on the Gyms In The Area
Unless you are moving to LA, you may find a decent bodybuilding gym hard to come by. The first 3 gyms I have visited only had dumbbells that went up to 100 lbs. One gym only went up to 80 lbs - I guess I could curl those, but how the shit am I going to get any kind of solid Dumbbell Bench Press workout in with those candy-ass weights?
It sounds gloooorious. - Bring Your Supplements With You
Airlines have a 50 lb limit on bags, so my 10 lb potato sack of Whey had to be left back East. Am I fucking stupid? That should have been the only thing I packed besides my straps, wrist wraps, and cod piece. I packed a reserve ziplock of Whey, but that was gone before my plane even landed. I have only consumed store-bought protein shakes, and RTDs do DAMAGE to your wallet.
For the low low price of $400 at your local Walgreens - Arrange Proper Sleeping Arrangements
If you don’t have an apartment to move in to when you arrive (like myself), find a hotel room or a friend’s guest room to stay at. Can’t afford a hotel and have to crash on your buddy’s couch? Spend the $50 you would have spent on one night in a hotel and get yourself an air bed. Most preferably, find yourself a smokin’ hot babe who will share her bed chambers with you. Sleeping on a couch for multiple nights makes your precious recovery time inefficient, inconsistent, and ineffective.
- Buy Your Chicken, Rice, and Tupperware the Day you Arrive
I made the mistake of thinking I could survive a few days off of cheap Mexican take-out. 4 days and 7 spicy chicken burritos later and my asshole will never forgive me. You never really appreciate your bland chicken and brown rice meals until you don’t have them anymore. Preparing your food the way you like it is a luxury you should never take for granted.
I found this picture on the internet, please excuse the vegetables.
- Watch Out for Exploratory & Commuting Cardio
Exploring a new city can be fun and exciting, but be careful that a pleasant walkabout doesn’t turn into an hour long journey that eats away all your gains.
Another thing to watch out for: commuting cardio. An often unavoidable and necessary evil for city commuters, a long walk or bike to work can be an open invitation for Gains Gremlins.
Like a moron, I didn’t properly map out my commute before moving to a foreign city and have subsequently banished myself to a twice-daily bout of dreaded cardio. I feel foolish. I feel unfit to bear the “Two Scoops” moniker. I now do more cardio a day than I did all of last year. A true tradegy. Learn from my mistakes Two Scoopers.
Alexey Lesukov is a pro at avoiding cardio.
Change is Bad
They say change is good. Tony Horton preaches about the benefits of “muscle confusion” in his p90X workout DVDs. It’s all bullshit. The only time your muscles get confused is when you deny them the Iron and Whey they crave. Your muscles only get confused when you stop lifting and start commuting. I’ve only managed 2 solid lifts in first 10 days and catabolism is running rampant.
My muscles are confused, “why do you hate us?” they cry!
“Where are our daily servings of chicken and brown rice?!” they plead.
"Are you some kind of California hippy pussy now?" they tease.
"You gonna start hiking and going on nature walks and eating Kale?" my muscles scoff, and quite frankly, I deserve it. I picked up and left the comfort and safety of my gym membership and magic bullet in search of adventure, and all I’ve found is the wildfires of California burning through my hard fought gains.
Head these warnings. Do your research. And don’t let your unrest excuse you from your duties as a Meathead. Do push-ups in a hostel common area if you must. Learn to hunt and fish for your protein if you must (gathering not necessary). Even do a trial membership at a Planet Fatness if, God forbid, it’s your only option.
Go on your adventures, take that new job, move to that new city, but never stop taking two scoops.
-Tony “Two Scoops” Muscoli
