Check out this stiff, proclaiming that people shouldn’t feel “forced to go to the gym because of today’s idea of what’s a good body."
Listen Swift, being shredded isn’t “today’s idea of what’s a good body," it is nature’s idea of what is a good body. Being shredded is evolution’s idea of a good body, it is God’s idea of what is a good body. Being shredded IS a good body.
Today’s idea of what is a good body didn’t come about because Arnold made bodybuilding mainstream in the 1970’s. Today’s idea of a good body didn’t come about because Brad Pitt had abs in Fight Club. Today’s idea of a good body didn’t come about from supplement company marketing cmapaigns. Today’s idea of a good body comes from our primal instinct to be the biggest, baddest boy in the jungle.
Evidence That Humans Should Be Shredded by Nature
Do you think Tarzan would have been happy being a fat ass, rolling around on the jungle floor getting eaten by fire ants and snakes and shit? No, he was happy being a shredded monkey cunt swinging from the trees and impregnating Jane to make the manchild Korak.
Today’s idea of good body? Edgar Burroughs wrote Tarzan of the Apes in 1912.
Do you think Michelangelo would have been happy if he had carved David into a fatass?
No. The Statue of David is statuesque because David is cut up:
Today’s idea of a good body? The Statue of David was carved in 1504.
Do you think Greek Gods were ever thought to be out of shape?
Do you think Zues was ever portrayed as a pear shaped amoeba? No.
Do you think Ares, God of War, was a scrawny little Joffrey fucker? No.
Check out this statue of Herakles, son of Zues:
Herakles took his two scoops for sure.
Today’s idea of a good body? Lysippos created the original version of the statue in the 4th Century B.C.E.
Do you think ancient Egyptians idealized un-shredded deities? No.
Check out the V-taper on the Hawk-Man-God:
Today’s idea of a good body? Ancient Egyptian craftsmen first began to create wall paintings and use hieroglyphic symbols around 3500 B.C.E.
Forced to Go to The Gym
We don’t feel forced to go to the gym for an hour a day because of societal pressures to look fit. We should feel forced to go to the gym for an hour a day because, as a species, we were are designed to spend our days outside hunting and gathering shit. Instead, we spend our days staring at a computer, blogging about how we shouldn’t be spending our days staring at a computer.
So that feeling of being “forced" to go work out, is your lazy ass trying desperately to hang on to the tiny shred of primal instinct it has left.
Happy with Life = Being Shredded
-Tony “Two Scoops" Muscoli
(Source: shreddingdonna)
