Two Scoops. Get Huge.

July 2012 PumpUps Experiment

PumpUps.comprovides a supplement trial service. For a monthly fee of $10, you are sent a package of supplement samples: 6 different supplements for a total of 10-12 sample packs.

Last month I did a review of PumpUps.com as a service. This month, Tony is taking a look at what PumpUps.com had to offer in July’s shipment, and seeing how much of it he can consume in 24 hours.

Pump Ups Contents (July 2012)

NO3 Chrome
Description: Nitric Oxide Booster (capsules)
Number of Sample Packets: 2
Servings per Packet: 1
Flavor: N/A (don’t chew them, they are gross, but you can open the capsules and snort the powder if you cool like that)

Bullnox Androrush
Description: Pre-workout (powder)
Number of Sample Packets: 1
Servings per Packet: 1.5
Flavor: Fruit Punch

Six Nutrition Vitamins for Men
Description: Multi-vitamin (capsules)
Number of Sample Packets: 1
Servings per Packet: 1
Flavor: (they are capsules?)

Inner Armour Peak Anabolic Gainer
Description: Post-workout protein/carbs/creatine/BCAA. “Mass gainer.” (powder)
Number of Sample Packets: 1
Servings per Packet: 1/4
Flavor: Chocolate

Purus Labs Muscle Marinade
Description: Pre/Intra-workout (powder)
Number of Sample Packets: 2
Servings per Packet: 1
Flavor: Cherry Limeade

VPX NO Shotgun
Description: Pre-workout (powder)
Number of Sample Packets: 2
Servings per Packet: 1
Flavor: Exotic Fruit

Now that I have all these supplements, it is time to get fucking swollen.

Pump Ups Supplement Trial Day:

Tony always say, “go big or go home,” so I went all out for this one.

Friday

1:00pm - Consume Six Nutrition Vitamins for Men with 12 oz. of water and a lunch consisting of 3 whole chickens. This vitamin supplement has ingredients to support Heart, Joint, Sex, Muscles, Mind, and Energy. After taking them, I immediately wanted to hit a new 1RM on Deadlift, run a marathon, take the SATs, and have sex with everything! I’m kidding. It is a multivitamin. Nothing happened.

5:00pm - Take NO3 Chrome and wash down with NO Shotgun mixed in 16oz. of water. Within 10 minutes I am feeling pretty good. Got a small buzz going, skin is starting to tingle, I feel uncomfortable sitting still, I should hit the gym.

5:30pm - Begin workout. Despite having already consumed a pre-workout, and the warning label’s claim that “one packet is all you need. DO NOT EXCEED MORE THAN ONE SERVING,” I mixed a packet of Muscle Marinade into a shaker cup to consume during my workout.

6:00pm - I am blazing through my Back portion of my Back & Biceps workout. Pre-workouts got me buzzing and the intra-workout Muscle Marinade is keeping my irregular heartbeat alive. I haven’t hit any PRs but I am putting up some good numbers on all my lifts and getting a pretty good fucking pump when I am doing it - my lats are so swollen that I keep knocking into people because I don’t know my own width.

6:10pm - I finish the end of my back workout with sets of pull-ups to failure. My bicep veins are looking crazy sexy at this point. If I was wearing sleeves, I would have ripped them off. Taking 3 Nitric Oxide products should by my new modus operandi. My biceps are so pumped after doing Back that I was contemplating not doing biceps while I finished off my shaker of Muscle Marinade. Then I stopped being a pussy. NEVER SKIP BICEPS.

6:30pm - 5x5 EZ Bar Curl. 3x8 Hammer Curls. 1 drop set of Alternating Dumbbell Curls. 2x12 High Cable Curls to see if I could get my arm to explode. And one set of flexing gratuitously in the mirror. Operation Arm Annihilation complete.

6:35pm - Consume Inner Armour Peak Anabolic Gainer in 16oz. of water. The cool thing about these PumpUps packs are that, for 3 or 4 days, I don’t have to remember to put powder in ziplock bags, I got the sample packs right there. The problem I had though, was that this sample pack of mass gainer was only 1/4 of a serving, so I feel completely cheated and I had to rush home to get a full Two Scoops serving of protein.

7:00pm - I am still waiting for some crazy bowel movements to hit me, but nothing yet. Could it be I’ve found a pre-workout cocktail that doesn’t make my intestines revolt?

8:00pm - Crazy bowel movements.

10:00pm - Begin drinking

10:28pm - BTFO

Saturday

9:00am - I wake up feeling not so sore (probably the awesome multivitamin), but I have an apocalyptic hangover, like somebody dropped a 25lb dumbbell on my temple. Attempts to counteract these effects include consuming my second packet of Muscle Marinade and chugging approximately a gallon of whole milk while watching Pumping Iron.

10:00am - I feel human again, although the Muscle Marinade is failing at Hangover reversal. So much for Muscle Marinade’s claim that “One packet is all you need. DO NOT EXCEED MORE THAN ONE SERVING,” cause one packet ain’t doing shit right now. What did we learn here? Take TWO SCOOPS. GET HUGE. END OF STORY. I take my packet of Bullnox straight to my face, and it tastes amazing (not joking, Bullnox really did taste good). I watch Sportscenter for a bit and head to the gym.

Total 24 Hour Pre-workout consumption:

• Muscle Marinade - 2 Servings
• NO Shotgun - 1 Serving
• Bullnox Androrush - 1.5 Servings
• NO3 Chrome - 1 Serving
• Six Multivitamin - 1 Serving (I count this because it has stimulants in it)

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I am not terribly impressed with this, and y’all shouldn’t be either. How do I expect people to call me The Internet’s Foremost Expert on Pre-Workout Supplement Abuse when I barely exceeded 3x the recommended serving amount for these supplements? Tony can do better. Tony will do better.

-Tony”Too Pumped Up” Muscoli

PumpUps.com provides a supplement trial service. For a monthly fee of $10, you are sent a package of supplement samples: 6 different supplements for a total of 10-12 sample packs.

Pump Ups sent me a sample of their product offering and asked for my two scoops on it. I warned them I would give my (brutally) honest opinion, and they shipped it anyway - good for them, they got balls.

Note: I am reviewing Pump Ups as a service, not the supplement samples they send.

PumpUps Arrive

The package arrives in this bubble wrap envelope emblazoned with the PumpUps logo. Like any package you get in the mail, it is exciting. It is kind of like you are getting a present that somebody forgot to wrap, except you know this present is supplements. And if you love supplements as hard as I do, then getting supplements in the mail makes you feel like a little kid waiting at the top of the stairs on Christmas morning… fucking rock hard.

I dumped my PumpUp out onto my coffee table and was generally please with the shiny packaging and the poster with boobs:

Pump Ups Contents (June 2012)

NO-Xplode 2.0
Description: Pre-workout (powder)
Number of Sample Packets: 1
Servings per Packet: 1.5
Flavor: Fruit Punch

Inner Armour BCAA Peak
Description: Pre/Intra/Post-workout amino acids (powder)
Number of Sample Packets: 2
Servings per Packet: 1
Flavor: Watermelon

Cytosport Monster Milk
Description: Post-workout protein/carbs/creatine/BCAA. “Mass gainer.” (powder)
Number of Sample Packets: 1
Servings per Packet: 1
Flavor: Graham Cracker

P28 Bread
Description: High-protein bread (bread)
Number of Sample Packets: 1
Servings per Packet: 0.5
Flavor: Bread?

High Energy Labs Electro Amino
Description: Pre/Intra/Post-workout amino acids (chewable tablet)
Number of Sample Packets: 2
Servings per Packet: 0.25
Flavor: Fruit Punch Sidewalk Chalk?

Myogenix After Shock
Description: Post-workout protein/carbs/creatine/BCAA. “Mass gainer.” (powder)
Number of Sample Packets: 1
Servings per Packet: 0.5
Flavor: Pina Colada

Product Inventory Card

High Energy Labs Electro Amino Product Flyer

Inner Armour BCAA Peak Product Flyer

Myogenix Thermal Core Product Flyer

Pump Ups Supplement Samples Trial

Now that I have all these supplements, it is time to get fucking swollen.

Pump Ups Supplement Trial Day:

12:30pm - I use the P28 Bread to make my sandwich for lunch. The bread actually doesn’t taste half bad, especially after spending a couple days in shipping. It is a little chewy, but that is to be expected. You have to have a little give-and-take when you are cramming 14 grams of protein into a slice of bread.

4:00pm - 1 Scoop of my regular whey protein in preparation of my afternoon workout.

5:00pm - I take the 1.5 Serving packet of NO-Xplode 2.0 and fart almost immediately, as is tradition.

5:20pm - I am feeling pretty good from my pre-workout, but since we were 0.5 servings away from a full two scoops, there is room for improvement. I chew on one of the High Energy Labs Electro Amino chewable tablets and the taste of sidewalk chalk inspires me to properly hydrate before my workout.
A serving size of Electro Aminos is 4 tablets, but there is only 1 tablet in a sample pack. Luckily, 1/4 of a serving of shitty Tums is all I really feel like stomaching at this point.

5:30pm - Blast Pecs

6:30pm - Mix packet of Graham Cracker flavored Cytosport Monster Milk with 8oz of Skim Milk. Consume. It tastes like somebody blended soggy Graham Crackers into milk, so I guess the flavor is relatively on point? For all these protein/BCAA post-workouts, all you really have to go on is taste and bowel movements when you are sampling, so I’d say that Monster Milk was a success considering it did taste as advertised. Although, I learned I would probably just stick with a simple chocolate flavor if I was to go out and actually purchase this product (I won’t).

6:45pm - I take the 2nd of the High Energy Labs Electro Amino chewable tablets. It still tastes like sand.

The rest of the samples are also BCAA post-workouts, so they will have to wait for another day.

8:47pm - Poop. Oh god, I pooped. Usually the NO-Xplode shits happen shortly after consumption so I am surprised I lasted this long, but this is NO-Xplode 2.0 - for Insane Muscle Pumps and Advanced Strength Delayed-Onset Diarrhea. I am talking shirt off, sweat-beading-up-on-my-forehead, consistency-similar-to-that-of-wet-concrete shit. My guess is that my digestive system was not accustomed to all the superfluous garbage ingredients Monster Milk has in it compared to my straight Whey. Between the healthy portion of Graham Cracker Monster Milk, and the NO-Xplode primer, my asshole had decided to punish me.

I had a date at 9 o’clock that I had to cancel, while pooping, via text, because I was glued to the porcelain.
I am not kidding.

Tony’s Two Scoops on PumpUps.com

Pros

• Getting supplements in the mail is exciting. Getting supplement samples once-a-month makes it feel like you have a monthly bodybuilding birthday.
• You get exposure to new supplements you might not have thought of before. I have had P28 Bread before, but most people haven’t, and it is a pretty cool product for those sick of eating rice and potatoes. And if you find a new supplement you might not have normally, then this service has done its job.
• The sample packets are easy to transport. It is nice to have the packets laying around to throw in your gym bag in case you know you won’t have access to your regular tub of supplements later in the day.
• SWAG. As strange as it was to receive a Thermal Core product flyer without actually receiving a sample of Thermal Core, it still makes for some great dorm room wallpaper:
  

Cons

• The actual number of samples was less than advertised. The website claims they ship 6 supplements (10-12) samples. My package only contained 8 actual samples, with a total of 6 servings.
• Flyer didn’t match product samples. I have this awesome flyer, with this sexy babe on it telling me to get shredded with Thermal Core, except I can’t try the product advertised. Instead, I have to resort to masturbating to a fucking supplement flyer… sad.
• Except for pre-workouts, it is hard to judge the effectiveness of a supplement with only a 1 or 2 day supply. There isn’t really anything PumpUps.com can do about this, but all you can really judge post-workouts on is taste (and bowel movements, apparently). I guess this is still better than buying a full tub of the stuff before realizing it tastes like a dog’s asshole.

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Final Word

I, Tony Muscoli, would recommend trying PumpUps.com (I wasn’t paid to say that).

$10 a month is nothing, just buy one less girl a drink at the bar, and in return you receive a bunch of shiny supplement sample packets that you can use to deck out your supplement collection. I would pay for 2-3 months, see how you like it - see if you are finding any new supplements you like.

If you find a new supplement you like, now you can go spend your hard-earned money on it. P28 Bread, for example, would be something I would be happy I found.

On the contrary, if you find out that you really don’t like a supplement you had been considering spending money on, you might have just saved yourself some $cratch. For example, I might have considered buying Monster Milk this winter when I wanted to start bulking up again. However, now I know that if I did that, my asshole would hate me - and I’ve saved myself the $70 I would have spent on a 4lb tub of post-workout laxative.

Try it. Why not? If after 3 months your supplement purchasing decisions haven’t been affected either way, then save your $10 and put it towards the supplement stack you know works for you.

Get Pumped.

-Tony”Too Pumped Up” Muscoli