Two Scoops. Get Huge.

Once my boner went away and I was able to think clearly, all I was able to gather from this commercial is that, Planet Fatness doesn’t allow hot girls at their gym “that isn’t a gym" and that you have to be average looking or uglier to join.

Not that you needed them, but now you have even more reasons to NEVER go to a Planet Fitness.

I’m hot and you will never see me at a Planet Fitness because it sucks.

Fuck Planet Fitness, and fuck those titties. That’s an order.

-Tony “Two Scoops" Muscoli

Good. I’m glad that Iceland Fitness made this video because now nobody else has a reason to make another Harlem Shake video. I think 2,500 videos is enough right?

I think we are all obligated to watch every single one in order to compare it to the other 2,499 Harlem Shake videos, and I can’t get anything done if people keep making these fucking things.

Can we all agree that hot foreign girls in tiny spandex are a nice icing on the cake? Fad over? Yes?

Now please don’t make any more of these videos so I can go masturbate to the blonde in the squat rack without interruption. She is pretty far in the background so it takes a lot of concentration.

Thank you.

-Tony “Two Scoops" Muscoli

Pretty much what the title says:

What the gym looks like the day after Valentine’s Day.

A good blogger would post this picture and then provide some backstory. A good blogger would tell you all about what gym this is, and where you can find one near you, and inform y’all as to why there are so many fine ass hunnies working their glutes all over this photograph… but not this blogger. Not Tony. I don’t have the time, nor the energy to find out more about this picture (too busy jerkin’ it).

So just look at it the picture; marvel at its surrealism.

-Tony “Two Scoops" Muscoli

P.S. Hold CTRL, SHIFT, and hit "+" to zoom in.

Tumblr user ChickenTuna is pseudo-internet famous for one reason: her butt. However, when you go to her blog looking for more pictures of her butt, you are forced to scroll down through relatively boring manatee memes, motivational posters, and other posts that are NOT her butt.

I took one for the team here, and I scrolled through all 25 pages of ChickenTuna’s blog looking for the best pictures of her ass. Do you hear me? 25 pages! That is commitment to my readers. You are welcome.

She attribute’s her butt’s success to eating healthy and doing squats. And so without further ado…

The Best of ChickenTuna’s Butt:

Those two are sexy, I could ride them all day! Her boobs look good too.

Dem hamstrings gurl.

Boobs for good measure.

Nipple for variety.

And her face, in case you cared, which you probably don’t.

That is some quality blogging for you folks. And of course by “blogging," I mean “taking-pictures-from-somebody-else’s-blog-and-posting-them-on-TwoScoops."

-Tony “Too Mesmerized by Dat Ass" Muscoli

If you want girls at the gym to look at you like this:

Then do this:

And that is how you pick up girls at the gym.

-Tony “Two Scoops" Muscoli

Thanks babe.

You know what is hotter than a hot Asian girl? A hot Asian girl with boobs, and for some odd reason, Canada seems to have all of them.

Try it, Google “Asian fitness model." Every single hot Asian female fitness model/figure competitor is from fucking Canada. I thought only white people and polar bears lived in Canada. Is America doing something wrong? I mean, we have Tila Tequila, but I can’t really be sure she is even human.

Don’t believe me?

Karen Pang

Fitness Competitor from Vancouver, BC.

Height: 5’ 2"
Weight: 107 lbs
Bust: 34"
Waist: 23"
Hips: 35"
Cup: C

Belinda Kim

Fitness Competitor from Toronto, Ontario (born in Edmonton, Alberta).

Cup: C

Enjoy the overly dramatic music of Belinda’s promo video:

Valerie Ross

Fitness Competitor from Edmonton, Alberta (born in Singapore).

Height: 5’ 4"
Weight: 124 lbs
Bust: 34"
Waist: 25"
Hips: 34"
Cup: D

God damn it Canada. Stop being so selfish. SHARE.

-Tony “Two Scoops" Muscoli