Two Scoops. Get Huge.

I want to see more of that chick’s nice glutes.

Let’s go party with Frank Yang.

NPR - Research intended to help people with muscle-wasting diseases could be about to launch a new era in performance-enhancing drugs.

The research has produced several muscle-building drugs now being tested in people with medical problems, including muscular dystrophy, cancer and kidney disease. The drugs all work by blocking a substance called myostatin that the body normally produces to keep muscles from getting too big.

It’s likely that at least one of the drugs will receive FDA approval in the next few years, researchers say.

Listen to the NPR broadcast.

This news blows my mind in so many ways. First, there is the news that there is a chemical my body produces that prohibits my muscles from getting too big: Myostatin. Myostatin just made the Top Threats to Two Scoopers list, right up there with cardio and running out of protein.

Top Threats to Two Scoopers:

1. Cardio
2. Myostatin
3. Realizing you are out of Whey protein powder when you go to make your post working-out shake and having to use casein instead
4. Freeballing Bench Press Spotters
5. Stimulant-free thermos
6. Swole-haters
7. Cardio

Then, after finding out about the Gainz Gremlin Myostatin, my mind was subsequently blown again upon learning of the new Myostatin blockers that are on the verge of being approved by the FDA. Take a moment to ponder the implications of this for a moment:

• D-bol and other steroids are all designed to help your body recover more quickly from workouts, repairing tissue so you can work out harder and longer and see your results faster. Yet, Myostatin is still produced by the body in order to inhibit excessive myogensis - the formation of muscular tissue.
• HGH, or Human Growth Hormone, is used for its effects on cell regeneration and reproduction. Yet, Myostatin is still produced by the body in order to inhibit excessive muscle production.

Now, I’m no scientologist, but if Myostatin blockers become available, then what is going to stop excessive growth of muscle tissue? There will be no stopping it. Muscles will be able to grow uninhibited.

Muscles will finally be able to roam freely across the human skeletal system. Free from the oppression and persecution that they have been subjected to under the Totalitarian rule of The Myostatin and its army of Gainz Gremlins.

I say to you, my friends, even though we face the difficulties of The Gainz today and tomorrow, I still have a dream. It is a dream deeply rooted in the Meathead dream. I have a dream that one day Two Scoopers will rise up, and live out the true meaning of their creed: “We shall hold these biceps to be self-evident, and that all muscles should be created equally, without the growth differentiation factor Myostatin blocking their way.”

Damn, that was poetic.

-Tony “No Mo Myostatin” Muscoli

Thanks to J. Frozen for the article.

Standing on the sidewalk in a tank top on my way to the gym, a school bus drives by and a kid yells out the window at me, “yo nigga I know you take steroids!

Proudest moment of my life.

- Tony

"My arms are looking sweet today, I saw them on the camera up top."

I love Cushing’s attitude! At first it seems like Brian is a big, dumb asshole, but the more you watch and listen to him, the more you like him. All this guy wants to do is get big, hit people, and have fun doing it.

Just look at this fucking meathead:

His jawline makes him look like a neanderthal, while his hat positioning gives him just the right amount of douche.

What gives you the most respect for this guy though, is his helmetless headbutt:

He was getting shoved around, he didn’t fight back, but he got right up in the other guy’s face like “fuck you. I play the game, and I don’t take no shit.”

Brian Cushing is my new favorite meathead.

-Tony “Two Scoops” Muscoli

June 5th, 2012 - News that Bodybuilding.com has pled guilty to selling dietary supplements spiked with steroids - and agreed to pay a $7m fine - proves the FDA is “not blowing smoke” when it says it will crack down on adulterated products, says one analytical testing expert.

The day the FDA starts cracking down on the supplement industry, is the day that bodybuilders and fitness enthusiasts across the country will finally be presented with safe, tested, regulated supplement products.

This is TERRIBLE NEWS, and the reasons are two-fold:

1. If the FDA starts meddling in the supplement business, you are going to have to start buying your Jack3D from that shady guy who hangs out in the locker room of your local boxing gym. And if you have ever bought horse tranquilizers from Franky Z before, you know it is not a pleasant experience.
2. Bodybuilding.com was selling supplements laced with steroids and I DIDN’T BUY ANY?! God damn it I really dropped the ball on that one.

Between March of 2006 and September of 2009, Bodybuilding.com had 5 products available for purchase that were labeled as dietary supplements, but were in actuality - DRUGS.

These products qualified as drugs because they contained synthetic anabolic steroids or synthetic chemical clones of anabolic steroids.
These fucking awesome products were:

• 1 Force Methadrol
• 1 Force Dymethazine
• GeneticEdge Technologies (GET) SUS500
• Nutra Costal D-Stianozol
• Rage RV5

.

If you find some, I’ll pay you for them. Cash, straight up. I need these supps in my arsenal.
Look how LEGIT this stuff looks:

SUS500 shit is straight pharmaceutical bro! Now the FDA might start taking that all away from us. Can’t a playa go anabolic anymore without having to deal with Franky Z and his awkward dirty jock-strap fetish?

-Tony “Two Scoops” Muscoli

Sports Grid - A man in upstate New York was tased to death by local police after going on an early morning tour of destruction in a local Gold’s Gym. Cops are currently investigating to see if performance enhancing drugs played a role in his meltdown.

Witnesses say 32-year-old Chad Brothers arrived at the gym at 5:45am “acting strange,” using exaggerated sounds and mumbling to himself as he worked out. Then, after about a half hour of his loud grunting, things got crazy.

Brothers, who is 6-1, 230 pounds, and described as extremely muscular, “fell or jumped off” an elliptical machine, went over to a treadmill where another guy was working out, increased the speed of the machine and punched the guy in the face, started pushing over machines that weighed over 700 pounds, destroyed a display case, threw (threw) two 45-pound dumbbells, left the building, came back, left the building again, then came back again and started ripping computers out of the wall and toppling filing cabinets in the gym’s office.

It was at this point that a female police officer arrived at the scene and ordered him to stand down. Brothers responded by throwing boxes at her, at which point she was forced to tase him in the chest and upper leg. This brought him down, but as the officer was handcuffing him, he stood up… with her on his back.

[Brothers] grabbed the Taser from the officer and appeared to shock himself, Heider said. Two other officers arrived and both used Tasers against Brothers. Heider estimated that Brothers was shocked four to five times at three to five seconds each time. One officer also struck him on the shoulder with a collapsible baton.

“This was a whirlwind of a battle in a confined space,” Heider said. He estimated it lasted less than two minutes.

The three officers (and a few helpful gym patrons) finally subdued Brothers, using two sets of handcuffs because of his size.

Imagine being that female officer who arrived first on the scene. She walks into a weight room to find some enormous dude flipping over ellipticals and chucking 45lb dumbbells across the room. He THREW 45’s across the room. I’ll curl 45ers, maybe I could shot-put them a few yards, but “threw” is not really a word that could describe what can be done to 45 lb dumbbells.

And then this lady cop comes in and tases him in the dick and probably starts thinking to herself, “job well done”, as she slaps some cuffs on him. NOPE. The dude goes Bruce Banner on that bitch. He stands up (with the officer still on his back) steals the cops taser and FUCKING TASES HIMSELF. What fucking steroids was he on? Not to be insensitive but I can’t wait to see what his autopsy turns up. I need to replicate his stack. Ill have what he’s having please, and my money is on PCP.

And next time anybody decides to go on a roid rampage, do it in a Planet Fitness.

Bonds’ federal trial resumed Monday with nearly daylong testimony from his former mistress, who said the slugger attributed a 1999 elbow injury to steroids use. She also discussed how Bonds became verbally abusive and said that his physique changed, offering a lurid description of his shrinking testicles, back acne, scalp hair that fell out and chest hair that turned gray. Such mental and physical symptoms are associated with steroid use.

-Huffington Post

This chick sucks. First of all, we all know what the possible side effects of steroids are, no need to spell that shit out for us. Second, OF COURSE he took steroids to “recover” from an “injury.” That is why ALL professional athletes who take steroids, take steroids. Is she going to tell us something we don’t already know? Just being a grade A drama queen. All this chick is doing is trying to blow up B. Bonds’ spot so she can sell a book. What ever happened to standing by your man? Telling the whole world about your dude’s sexual dysfunction is the lowest of the low. It happens to the best of us, I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t taken a supplement or two in my day that was a boner kill.

This is the kind of chick I stay far away from. Crazy sluts out to piggyback on your muscles, money, and fame. This was Bonds’ mistress of nine years. She kept that shit on the DL for nine years, but as soon as the opportunity to cash in on the relationship pops up, she starts shouting shit from the rooftops. Every guys biggest fear. Common Barry, you have got to be able to sense that kind of crazy before the crazy gets you!

Although I can kind of understand why Bonds wanted to hit it… (NSFW: Kim Tits 1, Kim Tits 2).

Thank god Bonds’ defense lawyers were on point, bashing this witch for being a bitter, gold-digging liar.
Go Team Bonds!

-Tony “Two Scoops” Muscoli