Two Scoops. Get Huge.

But this one goes all the way to 11 (I am getting really good with Microsoft Paint).

- Tony

Running is not recommended, but if you must do Cardio:

• The Two Scoops Guide to Going Running
• The Two Scoops Guide to the Elliptical

.

-Tony “Two Scoops" Muscoli

I don’t always advocate treadmill usage, but when I do, I say do it with SWAG - and this chick’s got it.

-Tony “Two Scoops" Muscoli

P.S. This is the ONLY good thing I have ever seen come out of a Planet Fitness.

-Joey “Juice" Vigaroni

Fact. Here are some prime locations for those of you who are new at this.

Top 5 Places to Run Past Girls with Your Shirt Off

1. Beach
   Everybody already has their shirt off, which dilutes your half-nakedness, but on the upside there are a lot of half-naked women as well. Plus, nobody RUNS along the beach in the middle of the day, so you will still stick out. BE THAT GUY.
   
   
2. Next to bodies of water (other than the ocean)
   Assuming it is accommodating terrain, go for a jog along a river, lakeshore, or around a pond. Bitches love running in pretty places. Water is pretty. Therefore, bitches.
   
   
3. College Campuses
   This is pretty self explanatory. All those coeds out on the quad in their sundresses and tank tops and shit? …too easy. When you run through a college campus with your shirt off, all the dudes are wondering, “who is this asshole." Meanwhile, and this is the important part, all the girls are checking you out, and if you are lucky enough to talk to one of these broads, the conversation goes something like this:
   

   "Oh so wait, you don’t go to school here?
   (read: so you won’t gossip about me if we bang)
   And you are huge and ripped?
   And you have a job and a car?!
   Want to see my dorm room?"

4. Parks
   Girls like to run around scenery, so if they aren’t next to water, they will do the next best thing: parks.
   
   
5. Treadmill
   This one is risky because, apparently, working out inside the gym with your shirt off is frowned upon. However, if the need arises to run next to, or across from, a smokin’ hot babe, then you got to do what you got to do. It won’t not get you noticed, that’s for sure.

Hey, can I interest you in a less-than-subtle head turn as I burn past you?
Actually on second thought, I’ll just let you stay up front and set the pace.

-Tony “Two Scoops" Muscoli

This guy has:

And that, friends, is why I don’t do cardio, because people like this do cardio.

-Tony “Two Scoops" Muscoli

"Oh you want to go slower? Don’t be such a girl!"

You tell ‘em treadmill! Or is it saying you should slow down if you are running in a kilt? I can’t tell. Either way, this is why I don’t run. Goddamn treadmills always make me feel like a bitch for limping along at a 6.2 for a 3/4ths of a mile.

-Tony “Two Scoops" Muscoli