Two Scoops. Get Huge.

Reader Email:

Hey Tony,

I got a new protein today the directions said one scoop…. I laughed and scooped two. Thank you for your muscle altering advice.

-Griz

"Two Scoops Get Huge" isn’t just muscle altering, it is mind altering. Two Scoops is a state of mind. It starts with how much protein you take after your workout… One scoop becomes two.

Then you’ll start wanting two shakes a day, and you start making shakes for breakfast, then before bed. Then you double up on your pre-workout supp: two scoops of Jack3d or NO-Xplode or SuperPump or WhateverTheFuck. Two Scoops gets into your blood, into your mindspace. You want to be twice as caffeinated, twice as proteinated, twice as huge. The next time you are benching and you are reaching for 5lb plates, you find yourself doubling up and grabbing the 10 pounders. Now you are taking two scoops of creatine and glutamine post-workout. Two multi-vitamins a day. Two chicks at night.

Note: As your thirst for two scoops increases, your desire for clothes decreases proportionately. Two sleeves give way to no sleeves. Then the cloth covering your shoulders dissipates into two tank-top straps, which get increasingly smaller as evidenced below:

Here is a good video demonstrating the above formula in action:

-Tony “Two Scoops” Muscoli

Reader Email:

Hey Tony,

Used to be, if you saw a guy at the gym with a beanie hat on, he was the fucking man. He usually had a mean-ass goatee and tank top that covered half his upper body and was curling 120’s. So what if it was 80 damn degrees in the gym, you gotta pay the cost to be the boss. Nowadays, I can’t tell you how many scrawny-ass pretenders I see in beanies lifting the most limp-dick weights. That’s why I want to propose another Two Scoops Get Huge commandment:

If your want to wear a beanie in the gym, your biceps must be bigger than 22” in circumference. If that beanie is any color other than black, your chest better be 50 inches or bigger.

-Two Scoops 4:13

-Frankie Ferarri

Frankie, you might have set the bar pretty high here, but I like where your head is at. Let me just set the record straight: You have to be jacked out of your face to wear a winter hat to hot gym. Facial hair? mandatory. Just take a look at this schmuck to my right. Looks like a total fucking tool. I found this picture by searching for a “weight lifting hat.” I didn’t realize it would return a picture of a weight lifting douche bag. Only the biggest of the badasses can pull off the beanie. End of story.

-Tony

I want this shirt. No, I want eight of these shirts - one for every day of the week that I lift. And get one for yourself while you are at it.