My Tough Mudder T-Shirt sucks. I was suppose to do Tough Mudder New England last weekend, but because my knee is a pussy, I couldn’t run with the rest of Team TwoScoopsGetHuge. I had a sweet pair of posing trunks to run in and everything. Well Team TwoScoopsGetHuge, the assholes that they are, brought me back this stupid fucking t-shirt:
I hate Planet Fitness. Team TwoScoopsGetHuge is a bunch of twats.
-Tony “Two Scoops” Muscoli
It was a dark and stormy night. After spending the better part of an hour running in a straight line for 7 miles and not going anywhere, runner Steve Tursi showers and makes himself an ultra-organic, grass-fed, wheat grass electrolyte health shake. He is preparing for the night’s activity. For you see, mild-mannered runner Steve-by-day becomes, Steve Tursi: Hero Blogger by night. He sits down at his computer, vigorously sips his health shake, and his fingers become ablaze with the fiery passion that only a runner can bring to the keyboards.
"…his fingers became ablaze with the fiery passion that only a runner can bring to the keyboards."
Tonight, he is going to save the world from the evil clutches of The Evil Tough Mudder PR Team. For you see, some time ago, Steve Tursi: Hero Blogger had fought The Evil Tough Mudder PR Team, accosting them for having this copy on their website:
"Marathon running is simply bad for you – FACT. The human body is not designed to run 26 miles straight over hard ground. Unless you are an Olympic athlete, road racing is a guaranteed way to say goodbye to your knees before you hit 40."
Steve Tursi: Hero Blogger wrote in response: “Seriously, who the hell writes this kind of crap?” Now, I’m not one to argue, but I am.
Correct me if I am wrong - Are not Marathons named after the legend of Φειδιππίδης, a Greek messenger who, after defeating the Persians at the Battle of Marathon, ran 25 miles to Athens to proclaim “We have won!”, before collapsing and dying from exhaustion? Am I understanding that correctly? The event is centered around a legend where a man ran 25 miles - then died. Legends have a basis in truth, and if this dude, a messenger by profession, DIED running 25 miles, how can you say that running that distance is good for you? Based on that fact alone, I think Tough Mudder is completely justified in writing “this kind of crap.”
However, Steve Tursi: Hero Blogger's efforts weren't for not, The Evil Tough Mudder PR Team flinched, changing their website to read:
"Marathon running is simply boring – FACT. And the only thing more boring than doing a marathon is watching a marathon. Road-running may give you a healthy set of lungs, but will leave you with as much upper body strength as Keira Knightley. At Tough Mudder, we want to test your all-round mettle, not just your ability to run in a straight line getting bored out of your mind on your own for hours on end."
Hear, Hear! “Hear, all ye good people, hear what this brilliant and eloquent speaker has to say!” Does this look like upper body strength to you?
Nope. No it doesn’t. Keira Knightley may be hot and famous, but no man, marathon runner or not, should strive for her upper body strength. Unless you are striving to have (sex with) her upper body strengths (aka face and tits), in which case, join the club.
The Evil Tough Mudder PR Team is henceforth known as The Wonderful Tough Mudder PR Team, friend of Tony Muscoli and TwoScoopsGetHuge. Running should be short and sweet, but if it has to be longer than 2 miles, it might as well be Tough Mudder.
Tough Mudder people have cojones! I love it. This was entertainment.
Read Steve Tursi’s original post here:
http://stevetursi.blogspot.com/2010/03/review-tough-mudder-debacle.html
…then comment all over his blog telling him he should quit being a bitch, stop running, start taking two scoops, and get huge.
-Tony “Two Scoops” Muscoli. Out.
