Check out these fucking meatheads! TWO SCOOPS! Getting swollen in tandem. Hardcore! But be careful Two Scoopers, don’t try this at your home gym without proper supervision, and without first reading this announcement:
A Public Service Announcement Regarding Training in Tandem:
Lifting in tandem with your training partner is flamboyant, and although it is not as blatantly homoerotic as solo spotting your buddy doing back squats, it’s still pretty very questionable.
An exception to this rule would be these two juggernauts performing Front Dumbbell Shoulder Raises in unison. This is because they are both massif and there is a cameraman nearby - so instead of looking like enormous tools, they look awesome.
Lesson learned? If you are going to do gay stuff at the gym, make sure you are being filmed so it isn’t weird for everybody else…
I have a beautiful body, I have perfected the size and shape of every muscle in my body…..except for one - the Front Calf. I dont consider myself an amateur fitness junky, but the sheer tininess of my front calf is utterly humiliating. I finally admit defeat, I come to you for advice on how to finish the perfect sculpture that is my body.
Your humble student,
- Samantha “The Sweet” Botticelli
Ah yes but of course, but of course… the elusive Front Calf. Some might say there is no such thing as a Front Calf, that Samantha here must be high or something, but they would be wrong - it DOES exist. The Front Calf, or tibialis anterior (as it is known in more scientific communities), is a hard to reach muscle, but the results can be phenomenal.
Samantha, dudes love a nice pair of legs, and a nice pair of legs isn’t well rounded without firm Front Calves. The best way to work them, i’ve found, is to do Reverse Calf Raises. You hang from a ceiling rafter by your toes. Have somebody stand on the inverted soles of your feet for safety. Then, slowly lift yourself up and down by your toes, really focus on the Front Calf. Here is a nice example of Franco Columbo doing a Reverse Calf Raise:
Also, this machine works:
Guys, the Front Calf is important for you too.
Think about it, when you are walking down the boardwalk toward some smokin’ hot babe, what do you do? You start flexing the pipes, throw up the front double biceps maybe? You try to impress her with gun show, but you notice she isn’t responding, what do you do now big shot?
You take off your shirt, naturally. But what if your chest and abs fail to impress her? She is still walking at you, rolling her eyes, your window of opportunity is closing, and fast. Fuck fuck fuck, WHAT DO YOU DO!?
Time to pull out all the stops. Time to break away the breakaways. Time to pull off your pants. You’ve tried everything else, this is your last opportunity to impress her. Maybe she is a legs girl. She finds a set of washboard abs too generic and the only thing that really gets her going is a bulging quad muscle and a tight, sexy pair of Front Calves.
Bingo. Nailed it. You are chillin’ in your briefs, your Front Calves are out for all to see and that smokin’ hot babe? Soaked. Nice job man, well played.
Two Scoops. Get Huge. End of Story. You think you know how to be a meathead? Nope. You don't. You are small. You are weak. But we can help. So sit down, read up, and get ready for a hot beef injection.
