Two Scoops. Get Huge.

-Tony “Two Scoops” Muscoli

GET AFTER IT YOU LITTLE MIDGET!

Oh hello you beautiful, beautiful thing.  Whoever invented you was one of two things:

1. Fat.
2. Trying to move the day after doing heavy squats.

.

I walked limped into CVS today after absolutely annihilating my legs last night.  We are talking 3x10 heavy Squats, Romanian Deadlifts, Machine Leg Press to failure, One-Legged Hamstring Curls, Standing Calf Raises, the whole shabang.  I am in no condition to move, let alone climb stairs, and this absolutely gorgeous invention is there to welcome me up to the Vitamin and Nutrition isles. 

Ladies and Meatmen, I am not a religious man, but I must say after Legs Day, thank God for the escalator… and elevator, can’t forget that.

-Tony “Two Scoops” Muscoli

Last night I was in the pre-smash phase with this skank when she asked me, “Brent, why is your dick so small?”
  And I replied, “It’s not, my quads are huge.”

-Brent “The Preacher” Curls

Pic of me and my quad.

Reader Email:

Good morning Tony.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mQHrAjb1tzk

-The Diplomat from CosbySweaters.com

A truly riveting email, and then I watched the video:

Aaaaaaaah fuck.  When was the last time you squatted over 200% of your body weight?  Because I honestly don’t think I ever have.  It is videos like this that make me feel like a royal piece of shit. 

Sidenote: Parents of this girl, are you sure you want her to be a lesbian this early in life?  Let me guess, when you don’t have her at powerlifting comps you are driving her to softball practice?  Don’t give up on your little girl yet.  Put her in little pink tutu’s and let her play with barbie dolls and shit until you know for a fact that she is full blown lesbo.  This is bad parenting. 

Girls shouldn’t be in the weight room.  Nothing drops my testosterone faster than a girl out-squatting me at the gym.  I see that and I hit the showers and try again tomorrow.  Just no point in staying to humiliate yourself at that point.

I take little solace in the fact that I can squat more than this 9 year old girl.  I need to beef up.  Looks like today just turned into a legs day.

-Tony “Two Scoops” Muscoli

Ok, I’ll allow this girl in the weight room to squat on me.

Below is a picture of Tom Platz.  Tom Platz had LEGENDARY FUCKING LEGS.  So he can wear pants all he damn well wants.  Like in the picture below, where Tom uses the squat rack for squats (of all things).

Reader Email:

Hey Tony,

I go to Gold’s Gym in Somerville, MA.  Sadly, it has only two squat racks.  And when I walked in there yesterday,  BOTH of them were taken up by guys in sweatpants, doing curls.  What is this sweatpant bodybuilder bullshit?  That is fucking horseshit and I WILL NOT stand for it.  Please take my side on this.

Thanks,
James G. Guttershot

Dear James,
I appreciate you bringing this to my attention because it needs to be brought to EVERYBODY’S attention. I don’t mind sweatpants.  You wear them because sometimes, on a Legs day, you have to keep your trunks toasty if you wanna hit your 1 rep max. 

HOWEVER, if you are wearing sweatpants cause you only lift upper body and you think you can hide your little chicken legs - kill yourself.  Braid the legs of your sweatpants into a noose, and hang yourself from the squat rack you don’t know how to use.  Put the fucking barbell down and go do curls at home with Tony Horton or some shit.  Leave the big gym equipment, like squat racks, to the real men (like James G. Guttershot).

-Tony “Two Scoops” Muscoli