Work: In Progress
-Tony “Just 15 More Years” Muscoli
July 2012
20 posts
ParCourse FitCenter: The Outdoor Workout
On nice summer days, it can be tough to walk from the fresh air and warm, tan-inducing, Vitamin-D supplementing rays of sunshine, into the body-odorous din of the gym.
It makes you long for Muscle Beach in Venice, CA and the 300 days of sunshine it sees each year. And there are so many reasons to get a good outdoor workout in besides just being outside, the most important of which being you get to workout with your shirt off.
Muscle Beach is widely known as The Home of The Fitness Revolution in the US.
…Also as the place where you can workout half naked.
Let’s face it, if you could stare at yourself in the mirror every single day, shirtless doing Alternating Dumbbell Curls, you would.
What should really turn you on about an outdoor workout, is that you can enjoy all the smug glory of letting other people stare at your incredible physique while you workout shirtless, but with none of the stigma of being that guy doing push-ups at the beach -and you get a tan. Everybody wins!
Look how jacked up Arnold and Franco are about their outdoor workout.
The real issue is that not everybody has a Muscle Beach they can go to when the weather is nice. That is why the ParCourse FitCenter was developed. It has pull-up bars, decline sit-up benches, dip stations, horizontal row bars - everything you need for a successful body-weight workout.
You have to be careful, mind you. Doing body-weight exercises every day might actually make you look and feel, dare I say it, athletic. However, a body-weight circuit once every couple days is a good way to add some variety to your Get Huge Routine.
Outdoor Workouts are Great for Sunshine and Showing OffI woke up on Saturday after having completed my 5-day split:
Day 1: Chest
Day 2: Biceps
Day 3: Chest
Day 4: Biceps
Day 5: Chest
Saturday, Day 6, is my rest day, but I was still thirsty for more. I wasn’t sore from my week’s workouts and I wasn’t too hungover from the night before because I was still drunk.
I slammed 2 scoops of pre-workout and hopped on my bike to the gym (don’t worry, I was doing more rolling than actual pedaling, God forbid I actually got a cardio workout in) to sneak in an Arm Day. But as I was riding, the sunshine got the best of me. It was too nice out, and I’d be damned if I lost valuable tanning hours to a Rest Day workout.
ParCourse FitCenter on the Esplanade in Boston, MAI changed course and headed for the ParCourse FitCenter on the Esplanade in Boston. My main goal was to rip my shirt off and blast some appropriately named Muscle-Ups in front of all the losers going for a jog along the Charles River.
Mission Accomplished.
I wasn’t the only one either:
Tim from RI doing Wide-Grip Pull-Ups at a ParCourse FitCenter in Boston
This is Tim from Rhode Island, who took the time to get tan & swole, even while he was only in Boston for a few days visiting friends.
Tim has the right idea: following the old Two Scoops mantra “Sun’s Out, Shirts Off,” working up a bronze, blasting lats, taking in the view, and showing off for the hot brunette who had just jogged out of frame.
Your TurnLook up some outdoor fitness options in your area, take off your shirt, and get your fucking pump on. Or in the least, rip a couple of sets of push-ups and flex your pecs at every hot babe that goes by.
Sun’s Out, Shirts Off
-Tony “Two Scoops” Muscoli
Your Gym Membership Has Been TERMINATED
Mr. ███████ is welcome at my gym anytime. I am just so goddamned proud of this man, and so jealous at the same time. Mr. ███████, I hope you someday find your way to TwoScoops, you are truly an inspiration to us all and we will welcome you with open arms.
"When Mr. ███████ was confronted by staff, he reportedly told the staff member, "Ain’t No thing but a chicken Wing,” refusing to comply with staff requests. We are unsure of the meaning of Mr. ███████’s statements but believe them to be of a threatening nature.”
If this notice wasn’t from the “Prairie Winds Community Center,” I would swear that Mr. ███████ was Mr. Coleman himself.
-Tony “Two Scoops” Muscoli
Fat and Ugly? We Can Help.
I really hope that the actual name of the gym is “GYM.”
Tired of being SMALL & WEAK?
GET HUGE
Advertising to Men: Big Boobs & Bullying
"If You’ve Ever Stepped On An Elliptical, This Is Not For You.”
I was reading an article on How Bicep Curls Cure Cancer when I saw the above banner advertisement on the side bar.
This is Manly AdvertisingThis ad is fucking golden; Grade A, feel-bad-about-being-a-sack-of-shit-and-do-something-manly—-also-boobs, advertising.
I dig this shit. It sends the message: fuck cardio, fuck machines, straight power lifts all day and you will get big-titty bitches smiling at you all day.
This is a stationary ad too, meaning it doesn’t rotate in based on my internet history. I know this because I saw it even after I cleared my Google history of porn, supplement shopping pages, and how-to guides for cutting sleeves to a microscopic strap level. So that means that the judgmental jabronies serving this ad are calling out EVERYONE and seeing who’s up for the challenge.
Obviously I had to click on the ad, and I was supremely disappointed by the actual product. It turns out the advertisement is for some bullshit, weightloss diet plan… so there’s that, but the point is: it got me to click.
And that’s how you advertise: Big boobs and bullying. Take Heather for example, I don’t think she is actually selling anything, but I want to buy it:
Just don’t get distracted by the right boob being higher than her left.
-Joey “Juice” Vigaroni
PS. Where do I need to go to work out next to chicks in there panties?
Get me there yesterday.
Apply Now to the Egyptian Military Academy!
LA Times — In this photo released by the office of the Egyptian presidency, Egyptian troops demonstrate their skills at a graduation ceremony attended by President Mohammed Morsi, unseen, in Cairo. Morsi hailed the Egyptian army and its commanders at a time [when] the newly elected Islamist president and the military council, which took power after the ouster of Hosni Mubarak last year, are in the midst of a power struggle.
These are pictures from a graduation ceremony for the Egyptian Military Academy in Cairo.
I want to go to the Egyptian Military Academy in Cairo.
This shit is intense! Are you kidding me? Here I was, spending all that time talking to college guidance counselors and taking the SATs for the 3rd time cause I sucked at the ACTs too, when I could have been “showing off my skills” and throwing up the Front Double Biceps to Mohamed Morsi, or doing flips through ATV mounted fire rings. FUCK, I am sending in my application today.
-Tony “Two Scoops” Muscoli
Thanks to Dickvein for the tip.
Watching People Work Out With a Personal Trainer
Top 5 Reasons Why You Should Lift Legs
The other day, I posted this picture: Every Day is Upper Body Day.
Then, this crazy asshole replied saying he doesn’t understand why people need to lift legs:
constructyourself:
I don’t understand the contempt that people have for dudes who only lift upper body. Unless you have weirdly small legs (like the dude in the pictures) I don’t see the need for lifting for legs (that is, unless you’re a competitive bodybuilder and focused only on all out, limitless, muscular hypertrophy.)
In my case, I’m not into competitive bodybuilding. You’ll never see me post these ridiculously large dudes because that’s not my goal body. I personally think it looks stupid but if that’s your goal, I won’t mock you for it.
Dear ConstructYourself,
How the fuck do you expect to construct anything productive if you don’t ever lift an ENTIRE HALF OF YOUR BODY? Imagine if other people who constructed things did that? Let me tell you a story my grandfather use to tell me.
In the year 1919, a master ship builder named Barnaby McNosquat built the most beautiful boat ever seen in the free world - ornate cabins that led out onto majestic balconies stacked 5 stories tall, with a sleek design that would soon give the vessel the illusion of gliding across the water like Poseidon himself.
When it came time for the boat to be launched from dry dock, throngs of people crowded to shoreline to give the ship a glorious send-off. Yet, when the boat was launched, it immediately sank to the bottom of the ocean.
People on the shore were stunned. “What could have ever caused such a majestic craft to sink so quickly?!” they cried.
When Barnaby was asked how a boat, that looked so beautiful above the hull, could sink so fast, he replied, “I don’t lift legs.”
That story is a metaphor, fucker. Figure it out.
Fictitious anecdotes aside, there are so many things wrong with what you said, I can still taste the vomit in my mouth over the sound of my laughter. Don’t get me wrong, I do understand where you are coming from. I went through my beach body phase too… when I was 18 and an idiot. I have learned since then, so let me teach now.
Why You Should Lift Legs:1) It increases your testosterone. Doing big complex movements “recruits more total muscle mass and, along with a challenging motor pattern, it leads to a big metabolic stress on your body. This is the perfect formula for releasing more testosterone.” - T Nation
2) Lifting legs will increase your bench press. Clearly, bench pressing is important to you if you only want to lift upper body. Fuck, you probably just alternate Bench Press and Incline Bench Press on even and odd days of the week. Good for you. Now, why not help yourself out and add 10 pounds to your bench by doing a fucking squat.
When you are benching, you should plant your feet and drive with you legs. If you do this correctly, you could actually strain a thigh muscle. “Your legs actually get that involved.” -Chaos & Pain
“Leg Power: Before [Rob Kennelly] broke the [Bench Press] World Record [of 1,075 pounds], Kennelly was stuck in a rut that he couldn’t seem to dig his way out of. That’s when he realized that he never paid any attention to the two limbs hanging off the other end of the bench: his legs. Like throwing a baseball or a punch, most of the power comes from your legs. Sure enough, when Kennely started taking his leg-training seriously by incorporating squats and deadlifts into his regimen, he watched his plateau disappear.” -Built Fit
3) Doing squats will give you better abs. Large, compound lifts like squats, deadlifts, bench press, and Olympic lifts engage a huge number of core muscles. There are a number of people, including myself, who can never train abdominals and still grate cheese on their stomachs.
I get 95% of my ab work from compound lifts. The other 5% comes from the Ab Wheel once every two weeks when I have a lot of extra energy at the end of a workout. Imagine, eight-pack abs without a single fucking sit-up? Yup, Tony does it. And you can too, by lifting legs.
Don’t believe me? Here is a picture of Omar Deckard. Read any of his training programs, guess how often he does abs? Hint: He doesn’t. But he does squat, and look at his abs:
4) Balance. How do you think your body reacts when you put 10 pounds of muscle on just the top half of your frame? It puts undo stress on the weaker half of your body, and makes you more prone to injury.
"In addition to abnormal compensatory changes, muscle imbalance can lead to faulty joint alignment and inefficient movement—all of which can set the stage for injury." - Sports & Spinal Injury Therapy
5) You look better naked. Back when I was that young, naïve 18 year old, I was in the gym with my friend - we’ll call him “Brad.”
Brad is one of my larger friends: Four or five inches taller, and 20 pounds heavier than most of my other friends. An AllStar in football, hockey, lacrosse, and crushing vag. You looked up to this guy when you were in the gym.
I had just finished my 12th set of Bicep Barbell Curls in the squat rack next to Brad when I walked over to him doing Barbell Squats, and I asked him, “why do you lift legs, bro? Why not just get huge biceps?”
To which he replied, and I’ll never forget this, “so I look good naked. Bro.”
I had just taken a class in Broscience actually worth taking, and from that moment forward I have used the squat rack for its intended purpose.
You don’t get hamstrings like these by doing forearm curls.
If I didn’t just give you 5 diesel reasons to lift until you have legs like Tom Platz, then I will give up entirely on trying to give out sound, rational advice on TwoScoops and just post stupid meme pictures all day like every other blog out there.
Tom Platz shows you what happens when you do
-Tony “Two Quads” Muscoli
PumpUps.com Review
PumpUps.com provides a supplement trial service. For a monthly fee of $10, you are sent a package of supplement samples: 6 different supplements for a total of 10-12 sample packs.
Pump Ups sent me a sample of their product offering and asked for my two scoops on it. I warned them I would give my (brutally) honest opinion, and they shipped it anyway - good for them, they got balls.
Note: I am reviewing Pump Ups as a service, not the supplement samples they send.
PumpUps Arrive
The package arrives in this bubble wrap envelope emblazoned with the PumpUps logo. Like any package you get in the mail, it is exciting. It is kind of like you are getting a present that somebody forgot to wrap, except you know this present is supplements. And if you love supplements as hard as I do, then getting supplements in the mail makes you feel like a little kid waiting at the top of the stairs on Christmas morning… fucking rock hard.
I dumped my PumpUp out onto my coffee table and was generally please with the shiny packaging and the poster with boobs:
NO-Xplode 2.0
Description: Pre-workout (powder)
Number of Sample Packets: 1
Servings per Packet: 1.5
Flavor: Fruit Punch
Inner Armour BCAA Peak
Description: Pre/Intra/Post-workout amino acids (powder)
Number of Sample Packets: 2
Servings per Packet: 1
Flavor: Watermelon
Cytosport Monster Milk
Description: Post-workout protein/carbs/creatine/BCAA. “Mass gainer.” (powder)
Number of Sample Packets: 1
Servings per Packet: 1
Flavor: Graham Cracker
P28 Bread
Description: High-protein bread (bread)
Number of Sample Packets: 1
Servings per Packet: 0.5
Flavor: Bread?
High Energy Labs Electro Amino
Description: Pre/Intra/Post-workout amino acids (chewable tablet)
Number of Sample Packets: 2
Servings per Packet: 0.25
Flavor: Fruit Punch Sidewalk Chalk?
Myogenix After Shock
Description: Post-workout protein/carbs/creatine/BCAA. “Mass gainer.” (powder)
Number of Sample Packets: 1
Servings per Packet: 0.5
Flavor: Pina Colada
Product Inventory Card
High Energy Labs Electro Amino Product Flyer
Inner Armour BCAA Peak Product Flyer
Myogenix Thermal Core Product Flyer
Now that I have all these supplements, it is time to get fucking swollen.
Pump Ups Supplement Trial Day:12:30pm - I use the P28 Bread to make my sandwich for lunch. The bread actually doesn’t taste half bad, especially after spending a couple days in shipping. It is a little chewy, but that is to be expected. You have to have a little give-and-take when you are cramming 14 grams of protein into a slice of bread.
4:00pm - 1 Scoop of my regular whey protein in preparation of my afternoon workout.
5:00pm - I take the 1.5 Serving packet of NO-Xplode 2.0 and fart almost immediately, as is tradition.
5:20pm - I am feeling pretty good from my pre-workout, but since we were 0.5 servings away from a full two scoops, there is room for improvement. I chew on one of the High Energy Labs Electro Amino chewable tablets and the taste of sidewalk chalk inspires me to properly hydrate before my workout.
A serving size of Electro Aminos is 4 tablets, but there is only 1 tablet in a sample pack. Luckily, 1/4 of a serving of shitty Tums is all I really feel like stomaching at this point.
5:30pm - Blast Pecs
6:30pm - Mix packet of Graham Cracker flavored Cytosport Monster Milk with 8oz of Skim Milk. Consume. It tastes like somebody blended soggy Graham Crackers into milk, so I guess the flavor is relatively on point? For all these protein/BCAA post-workouts, all you really have to go on is taste and bowel movements when you are sampling, so I’d say that Monster Milk was a success considering it did taste as advertised. Although, I learned I would probably just stick with a simple chocolate flavor if I was to go out and actually purchase this product (I won’t).
6:45pm - I take the 2nd of the High Energy Labs Electro Amino chewable tablets. It still tastes like sand.
The rest of the samples are also BCAA post-workouts, so they will have to wait for another day.
8:47pm - Poop. Oh god, I pooped. Usually the NO-Xplode shits happen shortly after consumption so I am surprised I lasted this long, but this is NO-Xplode 2.0 - for Insane Muscle Pumps and Advanced Strength Delayed-Onset Diarrhea. I am talking shirt off, sweat-beading-up-on-my-forehead, consistency-similar-to-that-of-wet-concrete shit. My guess is that my digestive system was not accustomed to all the superfluous garbage ingredients Monster Milk has in it compared to my straight Whey. Between the healthy portion of Graham Cracker Monster Milk, and the NO-Xplode primer, my asshole had decided to punish me.
I had a date at 9 o’clock that I had to cancel, while pooping, via text, because I was glued to the porcelain.
I am not kidding.
- Getting supplements in the mail is exciting. Getting supplement samples once-a-month makes it feel like you have a monthly bodybuilding birthday.
- You get exposure to new supplements you might not have thought of before. I have had P28 Bread before, but most people haven’t, and it is a pretty cool product for those sick of eating rice and potatoes. And if you find a new supplement you might not have normally, then this service has done its job.
- The sample packets are easy to transport. It is nice to have the packets laying around to throw in your gym bag in case you know you won’t have access to your regular tub of supplements later in the day.
- SWAG. As strange as it was to receive a Thermal Core product flyer without actually receiving a sample of Thermal Core, it still makes for some great dorm room wallpaper:
- The actual number of samples was less than advertised. The website claims they ship 6 supplements (10-12) samples. My package only contained 8 actual samples, with a total of 6 servings.
- Flyer didn’t match product samples. I have this awesome flyer, with this sexy babe on it telling me to get shredded with Thermal Core, except I can’t try the product advertised. Instead, I have to resort to masturbating to a fucking supplement flyer… sad.
- Except for pre-workouts, it is hard to judge the effectiveness of a supplement with only a 1 or 2 day supply. There isn’t really anything PumpUps.com can do about this, but all you can really judge post-workouts on is taste (and bowel movements, apparently). I guess this is still better than buying a full tub of the stuff before realizing it tastes like a dog’s asshole.
.
Final WordI, Tony Muscoli, would recommend trying PumpUps.com (I wasn’t paid to say that).
$10 a month is nothing, just buy one less girl a drink at the bar, and in return you receive a bunch of shiny supplement sample packets that you can use to deck out your supplement collection. I would pay for 2-3 months, see how you like it - see if you are finding any new supplements you like.
If you find a new supplement you like, now you can go spend your hard-earned money on it. P28 Bread, for example, would be something I would be happy I found.
On the contrary, if you find out that you really don’t like a supplement you had been considering spending money on, you might have just saved yourself some $cratch. For example, I might have considered buying Monster Milk this winter when I wanted to start bulking up again. However, now I know that if I did that, my asshole would hate me - and I’ve saved myself the $70 I would have spent on a 4lb tub of post-workout laxative.
Try it. Why not? If after 3 months your supplement purchasing decisions haven’t been affected either way, then save your $10 and put it towards the supplement stack you know works for you.
Get Pumped.
-Tony”Too Pumped Up” Muscoli
How to Do A Split
Nice… uh, shoes.
The Rock is Jacked Out of His Face Right Now
A few months ago, we posted our thoughts about the recent additions The Rock has made to his musculature in Rock Hard Right Now. Well if that post didn’t confirm your suspicions that Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson is now a fucking monster, than maybe this picture will.
Proof that The Rock is Yolked:Notice how, in the picture on the left, he is wearing some kind of watch/wristband on each of his wrists. However, in the picture on the right, the wristbling is nowhere to be found. That is because The Rock got so huge that his wristbands exploded off of his arm.
There are a few things you can’t get bigger with lifting and diet alone: your dick, your dome, and your joints. I’ve had people ask me, “Tony, I have small wrists, how can I get them bigger?” and the answer is, ‘you can’t.’ It is a fact of nature.
Yet somehow, The Rock did it. The Rock got so huge, it made his wrists huger, and his jewelry shattered. That makes sense too, because only a scrawny version of The Most Electrifying Man in Entertainment would need accessories to be electric. Now he does it on pure-fucking-size.
I mean look at that picture, his neck fucking disappeared.
Not to mention, his actual face looks bigger. It looks like his dome went straight Barry Bonds. I wouldn’t be surprised if his kegel regiment made his dick bigger too.
Rock on Dwayne, Rock on.
-Tony “Two Scoops” Muscoli
P.S. Dwayne, if you ever read this, I must know your supplement stack. What are you ON man? Quit holding out on your man Tony!
Lifting with a Hangover
This is why the Weekend is my day off.
-Tony “Too Hungover” Muscoli
How I Felt Yesterday When I Tried to go to the Gym but It Was Closed for the 4th of July
Chris Evans' Captain America Workout & Diet
America, Fuck Yeah! Today is July 4th, and in celebration of our Independence Day, I am going to share some tips on how to become Captain America.
Men’s Fitness - The studios had a very specific idea about how they wanted Chris to look,’ says Evans’s personal trainer Simon Waterson, the man also behind the transformations of Daniel Craig as 007 and Jake Gyllenhaal as the Prince of Persia. ‘My brief was to build Chris a strong, big and lean body that was realistic, functional and in proper proportion. In the movie, his character is physically transformed into the perfect soldier specimen so he had to look the part.’
With the help of his trainer, Simon Waterson, Evans increased his weight from 77kg to 82kg, while reducing his body fat percentage from 12.5% to just 8%.
According to Evans’ trainer, Chris was on the road a lot, so he did a lot of body weight exercises. Now I don’t necessarily condone doing just body weight exercises, because any skinny bitch can do them, but there is something to be said about a guy who can bust out 30 Pull-Ups. And everybody should be ready to drop down at any moment and blast out 100 Push-Ups - you never know when somebody might challenge you to a push-up contest.
So what were Captain America’s core body weight exercises? Real-fucking-basic:
- Push-Ups
- Pull-Ups
- Sit-Ups
That’s it. So simple. Just rep the fuck out of those and you won’t be in too bad shape. That being said, you won’t be Captain ‘Merica without some HEAVY ASS WEIGHTS.
When Evans could get to the gym, his trainer had him focusing on compound lifts, heavy weight, low reps.
‘Chris had done some weight training before, but as with a lot of guys it had been focused on the vanity muscles of the chest, arms and abs,’ said Waterson. ‘These guys are always amazed when I point out that they have muscles on the backs of their bodies too. But Chris was great to train. He understood the importance of a balanced physique. I had to work him hard but at a sensible pace – I couldn’t afford to have him sidelined for four weeks with an injury.’
It wasn’t all cupcakes and creatine though – Evans especially hated leg training. ‘But then who loves training legs?’ said Waterson. ‘Because if you are doing it properly it is the most painful session there is. Legs never hurt just for a day afterwards – it always lasts into the week. But your legs and glutes are the biggest and strongest muscles in your body so you must train them hard to get bigger and leaner everywhere else. So many men ignore legs because they want big arms, but pushing your lower body to the limit will transform your upper body faster than anything else thanks to a big growth-hormone response.’
Perform one warm-up set for each exercise, then do three sets of six to eight reps at your eight-rep max.
- Barbell Squat - 3 sets of 6-8 reps
- Lunges - 3 sets of 6-8 reps (per leg)
- Incline Leg Press - 3 sets of 6-8 reps
- Standing Calf Raise - 3 sets of 6-8 reps
- Hamstring Curl - 3 sets of 6-8 reps
.
Captain America’s Diet‘The biggest challenge for Chris was eating enough to put on muscle but avoid storing any excess energy as fat,’ said Waterson. ‘We relied on low-carb protein shakes in between meals and snacks such as fruit and nuts. I also had him take branched-chain amino acids (BCAA) throughout the day to reduce muscle tissue breakdown and encourage growth. The aim each day was about 2g protein per kg of bodyweight.’
Two grams of protein per KG of bodyweight? I like this Waterson guy.
Breakfast:
Bowl of porridge with dark berries and walnuts
Morning snack:
Protein shake and 5g BCAA
Pre-workout snack:
Apple with almonds
Post-workout snack:
Protein shake and 5g BCAA
20min later:
Chicken salad with brown basmati rice
Afternoon snack:
Protein shake
Dinner:
Lean protein, such as fish, chicken or beef, with vegetables. No starchy carbs.
Happy 4th of July Two Scoopers. Now go out there and rip a super-set of push ups before you strip off your lax pinny today at the beach, that way you can walk around all swole, making bitches wet and shit, like Captain America.
-Tony “Too Proud to be an American” Muscoli
When Somebody Asks Me What I Do For Cardio
NZ Powerlifter Lifts with Torn Quad to Send Teammate to the Olympics
3News - This is a story about everything that’s good in sport.
It’s the story of the New Zealand weightlifting team, and of two men: Richie Patterson and Tevita Ngalu.
It’s the story of how one of those men, overcame incredible pain, to lift a weight no-one thought he could possibly lift, so the other man could go to the Olympics.
When people celebrate the Olympic spirit, it is stories like this one, that they have in mind.
Did you want to feel really good about life today? Because Tevita Ngalu just did one of the most noble things I have ever seen in sport.
I have cried once before in my life, when I watched Rudy drunk, but the gamesmanship, the comradeship, the courage, the Olympic effort, the nobility, the fortitude, the honor, the selflessness, and the sheer grit it took for Tevita to lift 157kg over his head without the use of his left leg is so fucking inspiring I started to tear up watching the video.
Believe it or not, Tony has feeling too, and this story was really tugging at my heartstrings. I am going to hug a random meathead when I get to the gym today.
-Tony “Two Scoops” Muscoli
