Fitness Chicks: Too Sexy or Too Many Steroids?
KILL IT! BEFORE IT LAYS EGGS!
December 2011
11 posts
Ever Tried Running on the Treadmill on Ecstasy?
This guy has:
And that, friends, is why I don’t do cardio, because people like this do cardio.
-Tony “Two Scoops” Muscoli
Squata Claus
I’m back. Hope y’all had a nice Christmas. I took a break from blogging, but not from being big. Here is a picture of me staying huge over the holidays.
-Tony “Two Scoops” Muscoli
P.S. That isn’t actually me in that photo, if it were, there would be way more weight on that bar.
James Henderson: The Bench Wonder of the World
Reader Email:
This guy is the boss player.
-Nick D.
Then Henderson goes up another 180 lbs, “we at 405 lbs. right now, just getting into the workout now.” Just getting into the workout? At 405 my workout, and maybe my life, is over. This guy makes it look like it ain’t no thang, throwing up those 45’s like they are Frisbees. Fuck that noise, what supplements this dude on? What do I have to take to get that big? Just tell me how many scoops, snorts, or shoot-ups I have to do and I’ll do it.
Say what? He is a born-again Christian who doesn’t take any drugs? How is that possible? That makes no sense. There have to be drugs involved, he just isn’t tested for them! Oh say what? James Henderson, holds the world record for heaviest, drug-tested raw bench press at 711 lbs? Mother of god. I guess some people are just born huge, and there is nothing I can do about that.
-Tony “Two Scoops” Muscoli
P.S. What is even the point of having that guy as a spotter? I think Henderson just keeps him around so he can make fun of how small he is.
Tallafornia: Douchebags 'Round The World!
Holy shit it is the Irish Jersey Shore. I don’t know who the guys commentating are, but they are genius. I would probably watch The Jersey Shore if these guys talked over it. As for Tallafornia, it is about people from the Irish town of Tallaght. And apparently, Tallaght’s full of sluts and d-bags… just like Jersey.
But I can’t hate on Cormac, the strangely tan Irishman who flexes while he eats breakfast. Imean, can you blame the dude? If I was on national TV with my shirt off, you better believe I’d be flexing the whole fucking time. I would flex while I made breakfast, I would flex while I ate breakfast, I would flex while I cleaned up after breakfast, I would flex while I shaved my balls, I would flex while I took a nap. I would flex 100% of the time I had my shirt off.
-Tony “Two Scoops” Muscoli
P.S. There is a Dutch Jersey Shore version of this show too, and apparently every word in the Dutch language involves haucking a loogie
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Pizza Is Not A Fucking Vegetable
I fucking love the Facts And Chicks blog, but the “Facts” part has recently come into question as it appears the facts aren’t necessarily “factual”, which kind of kills my boner.
Consider these awesome boobs:
Yeah, great boobs. If you managed to find the “fact” somewhere in that photo, then you are led to believe that Congress recently passed the bill that would declare pizza a vegetable because it has tomatoes. False.
Washington Post - No, Congress did not declare pizza a vegetable.
Pizza isn’t a fucking vegetable. I know this because I don’t eat vegetables, but I eat pizza.
I like you FactsAndChicks.com, I do. I follow you because I love hot chicks and occasionally it gives me something to write about here, but either get your “facts” straight or change the name of the blog to www.RandomSentencesAndChicks.com.
-Tony “Two Scoops” Muscoli
P.S. The chick in the picture is Gemma Merna. You’re welcome.
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BREAKING NEWS: Colby College Football Players Suspended for Letting Their Bros Watch Them Get Blowjobs
TwoScoopsGetHuge Exclusive here:
At least 3 Colby football players just got suspended for letting their bros watch as they got blowjobs. Classic meathead move right there.
Now, this is still just speculation, considering I am not a real journalist and all I have to go on is a buddy’s word and a bunch of texts from some puck sluts who were jealous that some football broad is being a better attention whore than they are, but apparently these guys had their friends watching through the window whenever they got a blowy. I imagine a mass text that went something like, “bros, this broad is about take a trip to the sausage factory. Leaving shades open in room 234.” Hell, they probably had some dudes who were watching from inside a closet as well, straight R. Kelly style. Anyway, this chick gets wind that her sexcapades are being sexploited and she gets a security officer to watch for the peeping Toms the next time she goes downtown. Security officer sees the guys watching, finishes jerking off himself, and then rounds them all up for questioning. Cockblock.
My question is: Don’t you think this chick could have found a way to get these guys caught that didn’t involve blowing the guy again? Whatever, just wait for a legit news article to be published about this shit to get the real facts. Just remember where the rumor mill started churning: TwoScoopsGetHuge(Boners).
-Tony “Two Scoops” Muscoli
How You Know You've Made It Big on Tumblr
I would like to think that I don’t really care about followers, that I just write this shit for my friends and a few random meathead-humor enthusiasts, but let’s be serious - I fucking want followers.
A lot of my followers have badass fitness names like “TheSpartanWarrior”, “GetCavemanFit”, and “Lightweight-motherfucker.” Real. Serious. Fitness. Followers. Well, today I got this message:
Does this mean I’ve peaked? Like, I have to have hit big time status, right? What more could I want out of this blog than to have DongClown following it? I am honored. I can now O.D. on pre-workout stimulants a happy man.
-Tony “Two Scoops” Muscoli
400 Calories of Vegetables vs. Chicken
This image is spreading like a plague throughout fitness and weight loss Tumblr blogs:
Lucky for you guys, I fixed it:
There, now you can repost that shit instead. I might have just saved the internet from vegans, you’re welcome.
-Tony “Two Scoops” Muscoli
Look At These Zebra Pants!
Get me those fucking zebra pants! You can do whatever you want if you wear pants like that.
-Tony “Two Scoops” Muscoli
Dorian Yates Bodybuilding Tips
After our earlier post showing the ridiculous Dorian Yates’ 1985 to 1995 transformation, you have to figure the 6-time Mr. Olympia winner knows what he is talking about. Hopefully you learn something from this vid. Like when you are doing cardio (2:12), make sure you wear giant work boots on the treadmill - and don’t lace them up!
-Tony “Two Scoops” Muscoli
