Two Scoops. Get Huge.

Month

June 2011

13 posts

Huge Robot Dances to Daft Punk

Wait till 17 seconds in… YUP.

I hear it all the time, “Hey Tony, you meatheads are all the same, all you can do is lift weights and be huge and awesome. What else can you do? Eat lots of eggs? Get a real hobby!”

Newsflash assholes, we are not awesome because we are huge. We are huge because we are awesome. Take this beefcake for example, for 17 seconds you think, “wow. cool. some douche wants to show off his pecs in a tank top with some really bad dance moves…” Then, POW! Dude pop-and-locks THE FUCK out of The Robot, and you are left with your jaws on the floor wondering why your hipster ass can’t dance - let alone dance and be huge at the same time.

Meatheads 1 - Hipsters 0.

-Tony “Two Scoops” Muscoli



Jun 30, 2026
The Rock Smuggles Guns into Splash Mountain


Boss. Check out The Rock’s t-shirt, admire its lack of sleeves, revel in its patriotism, and bask in his biceps. This picture is a metaphor for America, I just don’t know how yet.

I have been training my entire adult life to get a picture of myself looking this awesome. I’ve thrown up the Front Double Biceps while riding go-karts shirtless, while doing back-flips off of bridges, while eating a $50 Morton’s steak in a sleeveless oxford, while having sex, but all of that pales in comparison to this. Looks like I’ll have to go back to the drawing board to come up with a picture that is more awesome, more huge, and more American than this one. I don’t know if it can be done… and this is why they call him The People’s Champ.

Jun 27, 2026
How to Get Huge for Pictures

Reader Email:

Tony,

This is me and P.J. I guess this is why you take Two Scoops instead of just one…

-Zack

Oh fuck yeah P.J. Dude obviously follows the Two Scoops regiment very closely. As for you Zack, thanks for sending this in, but aren’t you a little bit embarrassed? Look who you are standing next to. P.J. has his t-shirt begging for mercy right now and you barely have a pump going. At least do some push-ups before you snap the pic!

Number 1 rule in flexing pictures (or any picture for that matter): work up a good pump before you take the picture. My general rule is, 1 set of push-ups to failure, then rip bicep curls until you can’t feel your arms; now you are ready to have your picture taken. If possible, take some supplements 15 to 30 minutes before your picture. I Xplode pre-pic, it gives me a better pump so I look extra swoll.

Moral of the story:
Zack, awesome picture, but you gotta stop being a pussy and take more supplements.

P.J., keep being awesome and huge.

-Tony. Out.

Jun 24, 2026
The Fastest Gun in the World

This blog is about many things: getting huge, crushing weight, taking gross amounts of supplements, and bicep curls — to name a few. But from an existential perspective, this blog is about being a man, and not just any kind of man, a combination man’s man and a lady’s man; a REAL man. Hero shit, like Conan The Barbarian, Superman, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Tarzan, George of the Jungle. This blog is about Red Meat and Massif Biceps and Testosterone (all capitalized for a reason).

That is why I had to show you this video of Bob Munden. He is the cockiest dude I may have ever seen — Testosterone enough for ten men.

"Nobody does anything faster than what I do with guns."

He may not have huge biceps, but his ego makes up for in spades and I am eating that shit up. Munden compares himself to the speed of light. THE SPEED OF FUCKING LIGHT. Did Michael Jordan ever do that? No. Did Usain Bolt ever do that? No. Did Tiger Woods ever do that? No. Did Wayne Gretzky ever do that? No. Did Ricky Bobby ever do that? No. And none of them could do it. Bob Munden did it.

When the interviewer asked him, “Can you give [your gun-slinging] a comparison to something that would come close, but is not as fast?”
“The Speed of Light,” Bob Munden replies. What a cocky asshole. What an awesome, awesome asshole. He is the best and he knows it, and he wants to make sure you know it. And why wouldn’t he? If I’ve learned anything, it is never bring a knife to a gun fight, and bring Bob Munden to a gun fight. You don’t have to be hung like Jerome Ferguson or ripped like Arnold, and you don’t have to have a Lambo if you are Bob Munden, “faster than the Speed of Light.”

-Tony Muscoli

Jun 21, 2026
Boloco Breakfast Burritos: Huevos Proteinos

Bruins win the Stanley Cup, and Lord Stanley grants the city $2 breakfast burritos. Fantastic. Good day to be in Boston. I have done my Two Scoops Due Diligence and found that the most efficient way to spend those $2 is to obtain an Original sized Huevos Chorizo breakfast burrito. Thing has fucking 1200 Calories and 66 grams of protein. Diesel. Shit will get you huge… or it will give you huge shits. Either way it is 66 G’s to the face.

Cautionary Note: If you are cutting for swimsuit season (which I am), this burrito contains 108% your daily value of Saturated Fat. Fack.

Get hungry Boston.

-Tony Muscoli

Jun 17, 2026 3 notes
#Protein
Kickboxing Class for Men?


Reader Email:


Here’s a question for you:
I took a 90 minute kickboxing class at the gym today. Is that an acceptable way to get a massive pump, or is it a sign that I am a pathetic failure and will never get huge?

Thank you.
-Keenan

The fact that your workout was compiled entirely of a “class” is atrocious. You know who does the classes at the gym right? Chicks. Chicks do classes.

I recommended my gym to a girlfriend of mine, you want to know what the first thing she asked me was? “I don’t know Tony, how are the classes there? Like, cause I like to do spin classes and stuff.”

Organized group exercise classes are for chicks - chicks and dumbasses who can’t figure out for themselves how to workout.

Sure I get it, you are old, you are tired, you have had a long day of work and you just want to be told what to do to get in shape. Fine, if you want to join the 99% of little bicepped Americans that I look down upon, go for it. But a true man knows how to work out without some spin instructor named Mindy telling him what to do.

You think the girls in your “Zoomba” class are going to think you are sexy for shaking your hips like Beyoncé? No. Women find biceps sexy, and you will NEVER get Two Scoops grade biceps in a BodyPump class.

To get huge, you have to do it yourself: rip the sleeves off your shirt, snort a line of Jack3d, put some Pantera on your headphones, hit the free weights, and DO WORK SON.

Sometimes I’ll stand shirtless in front of the glass doorway to the Aerobics room, blast out sets of Standing Overhead Press, and stare down all the yuppies doing their “Body Fit” class who think they are getting a proper workout - sscare those dipshits half to death.

Kickboxing Class = Cardio

To be fair, of all possible classes to take, kickboxing is probably the least offending one, but you still have got to cut that shit out. I’m glad you came to me when you did. You can still be saved. No more classes you hear me? NONE! If you need help devising a proper training program I can get you started, it isn’t too late.

Another issue I would like to address: Your kickboxing class was 90 minutes long? NINETY FUCKING MINUTES?! I would classify a kickboxing class as a beefed-up step aerobics class, and aerobics is cardio, and cardio is the enemy.

Cardio should never be more than 20 minutes unless doctor prescribed. Furthermore, cardio should rarely cause you to break a sweat. What little cardio I do consists of hopping on the exercise bike, moving my feet in circles, and watching Sportscenter. Maybe I’ll upgrade to the treadmill during beach season, but I’ll still never see the timer go over 20 minutes.

You have got to be careful Two Scoopers. Too much cardio and your body will start using your precious muscle tissue as energy, and what if your body decides to start with your bicep muscle!? That would be a travesty to end all travesties. That is why I forbid myself to do cardio, too much risk involved, too dangerous.

Moral of the story? No classes, no cardio, just protein and free weights - or else you will end up looking like this (in which case, call me):



-Tony Muscoli

Jun 13, 2026
#Gym #Kickboxing #Cardio
My Huge Business Card


My wallet has never been fat, but now it is HUGE.

I just ordered a couple hundred of these massif business cards. I am going to take a block of them Gold’s Gym and make it rain. And then I’m going to take another brick of them, reinforce it with duck tape, and hurl it through the front window of a Planet Fitness.

-Tony Muscoli

Jun 12, 2026
A Meathead's Thoughts on X-Men: First Class

This movie is going to be a waste of time. The only reason the first ones were cool were because of Huge Jackman. Now they got all these little tweens running around trying to act badass. Hint: Little kids aren’t badass. Are they just trying to capture a new target audience? Probably should have just called it Spy Kids 5; it would probably have the same turn out. Who really wants to go see a bunch of kids running around with super powers? Probably hipsters and nerds who still read comic books in their parents’ attic… with a flashlight… underneath a fort of cardboard boxes they call the Death Star… while masturbating… to pictures of Hermoine Granger.

Let’s compare.

X-Men:


Huge Jackman. Badass. I’d watch this movie.

VS.

X-Children:


Hey buddy, I blow hot air all day, you don’t see me trying to make a movie out of it.

Put Wolverine and Beast and Juggernaut in a movie and i’ll watch it. Big dudes getting in big fights, sometimes with hot mutant chicks? I’m fucking in. Get rid of the pre-teen bullshit and show me some big titties and some big fighting!


Big Titties.


Big fighting.

But yeah Banshee is cool too?


And by cool I mean gay.

-Tony “Two Scoops” Muscoli

Jun 10, 2026
Creatine Myths

Spoiler alert: this is a serious article. But since I just ordered a serious amount of creatine to put into my face, I figured this was relevant. I added my personal thoughts here and there. Get edumacated:

Myth: The More Creatine You Take, The Better.

Truth: You’ve seen those sick bodybuilders chugging down 10-20 grams of creatine. Is it worth it? According to scientists at St. Francis Xavier University in Nova Scotia, at 0.1 grams per kilogram of bodyweight, male athletes excreted 46% of the ingested creatine within 24 hours. For a 220 pound lifter, this means that if he consumes 10g of creatine, 46%, or 4.6g of creatine, is wasted. In another study performed at the Human Performance Laboratory at Ball State University, scientists confirmed that lower doses of creatine monohydrate (5g/day) are effective, and that results can even be achieved without a loading phase.

Two Scoops’ take on it: The more creatine you take, the better. FACT.


Myth: Creatine Loading Is Mandatory.

Truth: Once again, research is proving that less creatine is needed to deliver results. The research cited above also suggests that creatine loading may be nothing more than a waste. Should you load? In most cases, probably not. If you’re an elite athlete, a professional bodybuilder or competitive powerlifter, you may want to consider loading, just in case. For the rest of us, 5g is all it takes.

Myth: Creatine Harms The Kidneys And Liver.

Truth: Unless you have a pre-existing medical condition, creatine use should not damage your kidneys or liver. Most of the hype has been the result of anecdotal reports. In one study which tracked healthy athletes over a five-year period, football players who used creatine at levels up to 15.75g of creatine per day showed no effect on markers of renal or kidney stress. In another study conducted by Dr. Kerry Kuehl at the Oregon Health Sciences University in Portland and presented at the 2000 annual meeting of the American College of Sports Medicine, the kidney function of 36 healthy male and female athletes who consumed 10g of creatine per day was examined. After twelve weeks, Dr. Kuehl found that creatine did not adversely affect kidney function.

Myth: Creatine Causes Excessive Water Retention.

Truth: More bullshit. A recent double-blind, placebo-controlled study found that, after three months of creatine use, test subjects showed no significant increase in body water. In fact, the creatine group showed greater gains in total body mass and fat-free mass. Best of all, this recent study employed the latest in body composition measurements-deuterated water isotopic analysis which utilizes a non-radioactive “tracer”. Now it is possible that some inferior-grade creatine may actually promote water gain that results in a soft, puffy look. However, this can be due to several reasons. One, it may not be due to the creatine, but excess sodium. When cheaply manufactured, excess sodium remains in the finished product.

Myth: Creatine Causes Cramping.

Truth: The idea that creatine use causes muscle cramping is anecdotal with no clinical evidence to support this claim. On the contrary, clinical studies show that creatine use is not associated with cramping. In one study, researchers examine 16 men who either supplemented with creatine or a placebo. Under specific dehydration conditions, the occurrence of cramping and tightness were reported in both groups, but “nothing that would suggest a greater incidence associated with creatine supplementation.” Two other studies conducted at Arkansas State University in Jonesboro fond that creatine use by 61 Division I athletes during training camps had no effects on the incidence of muscle cramps, injury or illness. These athletes used 15-25g per day on the loading phase, and another 5g/day as maintenance.

Myth: Creatine Needs To Be Taken With Grape Juice.

Truth: The concept behind taking creatine with sugar such as grape juice is sound. But the trick is not the grape juice per serving. It has to do with insulin’s function in the body. For creatine uptake to be enhanced, insulin release should be encouraged. Insulin functions as a kind of creatine pump, pushing it into muscles. If you’re going to stick to juice, make sure you get at least 100g of juice for every 5g of creatine. Depending on your level and your goals, juice loaded with sugars may not be suitable. Newer research indicates that you can take your creatine with protein for the same results. A new study reports that taking 5g of creatine with 50g of protein/47g of carbs produced the same results as taking 5g with 96g of carbs.

Myth: Creatine Works Better In A Liquid Form.

Truth: In fact, in liquid form, you may not even be getting creatine, but creatinine, a by-product of creatine breakdown. Creatine, in powder form, is extremely stable. When exposed to an acidic environment or moisture for a long time, creatine will begin to break down into worthless creatinine. The citric and phosphoric acids found in many liquid creatines, which are used to preserve the shelf life of these products, actually helps break creatine down. So as a rule of thumb, if you’re going to make a creatine shake, drink it by the end of the day.

Myth: All Creatines Are The Same.

Truth: Just as there is a difference between $100 champagne and $15 dollar champagne, there’s a difference between high-quality creatine and inferior-grade creatine. Traditionally, Chinese creatine is a lower quality product, with more contaminants such as creatinine, sodium, dicyandiamide, and dihydrotriazine. German creatine, from companies such as SKW (Creapureâ„¢), are cleaner, purer products.

Myth: New Forms Of Creatine Work Better.

Truth: News flash: no form of creatine has been proven in published studies to work better than plain old creatine monohydrate powder. Whether you’re spending your extra dollar on effervescent, liquid or chewable creatine, the most important consideration is the creatine. And whether you decide to splurge and buy creatine citrate or creatine phosphate remember one thing: the major clinical studies have been performed on plain creatine monohydrate powder. Numerous studies have also shown that creatine powder is easily assimilated by the body. So unless you’ve got money to burn, stick with creatine monohydrate powder. Products such as effervescent creatine or creatine chewables offer convenience and a novel way to take plain old creatine powder. For real value, there’s no better choice than powder.

Two Scoops’ take on it: Take ALL forms of creatine, just to be safe.

Myth: Creatine Will Affect By Body’s Anabolic Hormone Function.

Truth: While creatine can boost strength and lean mass, research from the University of Leuven in Belgium has shown that it doesn’t not alter anabolic hormone response to training. These hormones included growth hormone, testosterone, and cortisol. This research also might suggest that stacking creatine with prohormones or GH secretagogues might be a beneficial.

Myth: Creatine Use Is 100% Safe. False.

Truth: While creatine is non-toxic, creatine use is not wholly risk-free. As with all other nutritional supplements, individuals with pre-existing medical conditions should not take creatine or other sports supplements. For example, there have been at least one case study which reported kidney inflammation in subjects who used creatine. However, in one case, the patient had a pre-existing kidney problem. So before you begin supplementing with anything, the best advice is to see your physician.

Myth: Creatine Is Ideal For All Athletes.

Truth: Some athletes stand to benefit a great deal, others very little. Athletes who require sudden, high intensity bursts of power and strength are ideal candidates for creatine supplements. These athlete might include powerlifters, bodybuilders, sprinters, football, baseball, and basketball players, and the like. Endurance athletes or those who participate in sports which require steady aerobic output may not benefit from creatine use.

Two Scoops’ take on it: Creatine IS ideal for all athletes. That is because the category “all athletes” doesn’t include endurance sports like “cross country”.

Myth: Creatine Must Be Taken At A Specific Time.

Truth: While it has been proven that you can maximize creatine uptake by taking it with a 1:1 ratio of protein to carbs, no real evidence suggests that there’s a best time to take creatine. As a supplement, creatine increases your body’s pool of creatine. Whether you take it in the morning, afternoon, or evening probably won’t make a significant difference. For convenience sake, you might take it with your post-training protein/carb shake.

Myth: Cycling Creatine Will Produce Better Results. False.

Truth: There’s no significant evidence which shows that cycling creatine is better than taking it continuously. There’s no compelling proof which shoes that creatine supplementation in athletes will down-regulate the body’s own ability to produce creatine.

Myth: You Can Get Enough Creatine From Your Diet.

Truth: The average person gets only about 1g of creatine per day from his diet. When you cook your meals, you also destroy a good part of the creatine found in foods such as beef, cod, salmon, and herring.

Two Scoops’ take on it: If you are on a Two Scoops diet trying to Get Huge, we are talking 5-8 steaks a day here, you should be getting enough creatine from your diet - if you are a normal person. If you are trying to get huge, you should be snorting creatine powder regardless of your diet.


Sources:

Brenner M, et al. The effect of creatine supplementation during resistance training in women. J Strength Cond Res 2000;14(2): 207-213.

Burke DG, et al. “The effect of 7 days of creatine supplementation on 24-hour urinary creatine excretion.

J Strength Cond Res 2001;15(1):59-62.Eijnde B, et al. Med Sci Sports Exerc 2001;33:449-453.

Greenhaff PL, Steenge GR, Simpson EJ. Protein and carbohydrate-induced augmentation of whole body creatine retention in humans.

J Appl Physiol 2000;89:1165-71.Guerrero-Ontiveros ML, Walliman T. Creatine supplementation I n health and disease. Effects of chronic creatine ingestion in vivo: down-regulation of the expression of creatine transporter isoforms in skeletal muscle.

Mol Cell Biochem 1998;184:427-437.Poortmans JR, et al. Long-term oral creatine supplementation does not impair renal function in healthy athletes. Med Sci Sports Exer 1999;31(8):1108-1110.Poortmans JR, Francaux M. Adverse effects of creatine supplementation. Sports Med 2000;30:155-170.

Vogel RA, et al. Creatine supplementation: effect on supramaximal exercise performance at two levels of acute hypohydration. J Strength Cond Res 2000;14(2) 214-219.

Thanks to: The Truth About Creatine

Jun 9, 2026 3 notes
#Supplements
Chicks in Sports Bras at the Gym

What do you do when you see this at the gym?

And for the record, I am talking about a chick in a sports bra; the fact that it is Hermoine Granger is moot.

How about this girl?

How are you feeling? What is your immediate reaction? Are you excited? Are you horny? Are you disgusted? Write your feelings down and we’ll compare notes at the end of this. Here are a few more to get that steam of consciousness going:


What are those, 8 lbs? Pussy.


What do you need those knee pads for dollface? And what’s with the ankle warmers?


HA! Curveball fuckers. Bet you didn’t expect to see this chick’s grill ruining your day.


Saving face.


That is not proper curling technique.

After all those pictures and video of girls in sports bras, you should be in the right mindset: outrage. Whenever I see a girl wearing just a sports bra up top I get outraged. What’s with the double standard?! The most fabric guys can lose, and stay socially acceptable, is there sleeves. Yet girls will walk around the gym with nothing but a strip of goddamn duck tape around their tits and nobody says a thing. In fact, most guys just stare at them… I assume in disgust. Disgust that girls can roll around on the ab mats, getting their swoobs all over the public space with no repercussions.

I’ve decided to take action. Now, whenever I see a chick in my gym rocking the sports bra look, I stare directly into her eyes; slowly lift up my shirt; and tie it off just below my pecs. Usually the chick runs away, I assume because she just got so wet she had to change her spandex.

I rock that look for the rest of my gym sesh and nobody says a goddamn thing - most likely cause you don’t fuck with somebody as jacked as me. Regardless, I have assumed that I can also start wearing sleeveless belly shirts to the gym. I spend every day looking like a roided out version of Spike from The Little Giants and it feels phenomenal.


Now everybody is staring at me again and not that bitch with the sports bra - MISSION ACCOMPLISHED. See you tomorrow at the gym, I’ll be the dude in the sleeveless stomach cut-off.

-Tony “Two Scoops” Muscoli

Jun 8, 2026
#Hot Girls Working Out
Gratuitous Amounts of Bicep: Steve Lattimer

I’ll have what he’s having, sir.

Steve Lattimer makes the starting defense in the movie The Program and has the absolute perfect reaction:

"Starting defense! Place at the table! WHOOOOOOOO!"
And then, naturally, he puts his face through a passenger side window. Actions speak louder than words, and Lattimer pretty much writes this blog for me so I can cut right to the point: What the fuck is he on? Where can I find it? How can I put it in my face?
I want to have biceps like his.
I want to hit a new PR on my max bench, stand up, and start flipping over ellipticals.
I want to barbell curl an obscene amount of weight, and then hurl a dumbbell through the skylight.
I want to squat twice my bodyweight, then jog run charge down the street over to the Planet Fitness and drop kick their front doors and piss on the front desk - and not just any kind of piss, radioactive Animal Pak piss.
I want to make starting defense and put my head through a car window.

Lattimer is the epitome of Two Scoops; quintessential meat; straight beefcake and he doesn’t give a fuck who knows it. Get me his Supp Stack. I NEED IT! PLACE AT THE TABLE!

-Tony Muscoli

Jun 6, 2026 1 note
#Gratuitous Amounts of Bicep #Biceps
GTL Actually Makes A Lot of Sense


Can’t argue with that logic.

-Tony Muscoli

Thanks to Michael for the tip

Jun 3, 2026 2 notes
The Situation with Protein Vodka


Roughly nine months ago (to give you an idea of my turn around time) I saw this story on The Situation from the Jersey Shore endorsing America’s first protein infused vodka. It is called Devotion Vodka and Mike “The Situation” says that the 2 grams of protein in each shot will help prevent hangovers. Well, I say, who the fuck cares? Let’s talk about how the protein in each shot will help KEEP YOU HUGE. Sure 2g’s isn’t a lot of protein, but it is better than nothing. Let’s do a quick comparison:

  1. Smirnoff Vodka: 0g Protein per Ounce.
  2. Grey Goose Vodka: 0g Protein per Ounce.
  3. Devotion Vodka: 2g Protein per Ounce.


I think my research speaks for itself. Gone are the days when a rage hungry meathead has to wait to rip shots while he waits for his protein to metabolize, gone are the days of skipping that extra drink so you can keep your 6-pack, and gone are the days when you have to stop drinking to work out.

"Two Huge" Post-Workout Pre-Going Out Protein Vodka Power Smoothie:
  1. 4 oz. Protein Vodka
  2. 2 Scoops Vanilla Whey Protein
  3. 12 oz. milk
  4. 1 Banana
  5. 4 Large Strawberries
  6. 2 Ice Cubes


Put that shit in a blender, frappe it, face it. Have I ever made it myself? No, but I know it is good, because we are that good at what we do here at Two Scoops. Don’t bother questioning me because this shake is the answer: 70 grams of Protein to the domepiece - and you drunk? The fuck I’m talking about. Now you can keep your pump going right on to the clubs. Finish your lift at 9pm; crush this shake; shower; throw on your graphic v-neck and gold chain; are you ready to crush twat?

-Tony Muscoli

Jun 1, 2026 1 note
#Protein
Next page →
2012 2013
  • January 7
  • February 10
  • March 13
  • April 18
  • May 14
  • June 12
  • July 12
  • August 9
  • September 10
  • October 1
  • November
  • December
2011 2012 2013
  • January 13
  • February 13
  • March 20
  • April 20
  • May 21
  • June 27
  • July 20
  • August 26
  • September 26
  • October 26
  • November 12
  • December 9
2010 2011 2012
  • January 16
  • February 15
  • March 15
  • April 21
  • May 16
  • June 13
  • July 12
  • August 9
  • September 9
  • October 11
  • November 15
  • December 11
2010 2011
  • January
  • February
  • March
  • April
  • May
  • June
  • July
  • August
  • September 10
  • October 4
  • November 6
  • December 5