How to Not Look Like an Ass in The Gym

Reader Email:
Hey Tony,
I’ve been following you for a few months now,…(blah blah blah)… I was lifting today and saw things that really piss me off. You have spent time in gyms where some guys think that their shit doesn’t stink, these guys, in my opinion are the guys who…
1. Run backwards on the treadmills
2. ”Air Box” in the mirror
3. Use the bungie cords on the bench because they saw some guy repping 315 with a bungie, so they want to use one with their 135 reps
4. And last but not least, the guy that makes a spectacle of his ab workout by flipping and suspending by the pull up bar
Now Tony, I have been lifting for a few years, I considered myself knowledgable of lifts and benefits that certain workouts give you. If I am missing the bus and these workouts are so beneficial then sign me up but, I feel these are the guys that work out to just be seen at the gym. Let me know what you think, and if you got any others.
Thanks Tony, keep up the good work.
-Hambone
Alright Hambone, I am glad you came to me with your questions. You brought up some great points and I am going to hit each one right in the face:
1) Running backwards on the treadmill. A more important question might be, what the fuck are you doing running on the treadmill in the first place? If you need to sweat, and you got a bad knee or something (like myself), act like you have been there and get on the stationary bike like an experienced meathead. Ellipticals and running backwards are for fuck-ups and fruitcakes.
2) “Air Boxing” in the mirror. It is called “Shadow Boxing”, and I don’t mind it when done in moderation. Some guys lift to be huge, some guys lift to look huge, and some guys lift to be strong so they can win bar fights. So if you want to be some kind of MMA superstar and shadow box all over the place; power to you - just don’t do it in my fucking gym. If you want to shadow box, do it in a proper gym. If you want to shadow box, commit to being a boxer, and join a gym with speed bags, jump ropes, heavy bags, a ring, sparing equipment, guys who hold the pads for you, and mirrors for shadow boxing. Don’t join my gym and punch figments of your imagination while taking up all my mirror space when I am trying to get my flex on.
3) Using the bungee cords on the bench because they saw some guy repping 315 with a bungee, so they want to use one with their 135 reps.
To be honest I’ve never really understood the bungee-cord bench. I guess it is suppose to help with the top half of the benching motion. So if you find the 2nd half of the motion easy, you might try adding a resistance band? Personally, I think that just means you can add more weight, which in turn makes you look cooler, which in turn gets you chicks. Some people swear by the resistance band, say it helps them “overcome plateaus” and “accelerate their gains.” I’m kind of indifferent.
I will take Hambone’s side on this one too; if you are doing it just cause you saw some big guy do it, perhaps you should reflect on your life. Assess your life choices, are you just trying to emulate people who are more accomplished in hopes that their path to success will be as yours? That is a foolish way to lift through life. Be your own man, make your own decisions, don’t be a fucking bungee cord wannabee or i’ll snap that fucker right down onto your forehead.
4) The guy that makes a spectacle of his ab workout by flipping and suspending by the pull up bar.
I’ve agreed with all of our reader’s peeves up to this one, but this is where I have to get off the Hambone Express. Doing insane ab work outs to make a spectacle of yourself is EXACTLY the type of behavior that Two Scoops promotes. When you are in the gym, you want people to know that you are the most important person in there. I personally prefer such barbell rattling moves as the “Jump Squat” or the “Hang Clean (w/ theatrical foot stomp)”. Or if I am on the pull up bar I am a huge fan of the “Clap Pull-Up” or the “Muscle Up”, both of those moves really turn heads. However, there is a difference between spectacle and theatrical, and theater kids are losers. So be careful not to get theatrical, or risk ending up looking like this guy:

The guy in this video has the right idea, but he is trying a little bit too hard. If you are going to show off, make sure you don’t look like you are trying to show off. Be a pro. This guy looks like he just learned how to do this and couldn’t wait to post this video on YouTube. The guy in this video below however…

That is how you show off. Dude makes it look easy. Takes that pull up bar and makes it his bitch.
-Tony “Two Scoops” Muscoli