Two Scoops. Get Huge.

Good to see today’s youth questioning authority the right way.

I am standing in line to get a burrito.

The girl behind me in line backs into me.

She turns around and apologizes, placing her hand on my arm and saying, “excuse me.”

As soon as she feels my arm, she starts groping it.

She is feeling my bicep, tricep, back to bicep saying,
”Wow. Oh my. Oh my GOD!" - in a, I-am-unexpectedly-surprised-and-aroused-by-your-arm-girth tone.

Nobody out-gropes Tony.

In an effort to maintain my stance on equal treatment between the sexes, I palmed her tit, grabbed her ass, and ended on a “you’re squat is solid… your bench needs work.”

-Tony “Two Scoops” Muscoli

Keven “Da Hulk” Washington is 6’ tall and 325 lbs. He was born in New Orleans, LA and his primary forms of communication are grunting, smashing, and flexing. He is the size of person you yield to. He is the reason paranoid white people cross the street when they see black men walking towards them on the sidewalk. He is a beast of a human. Is he even human? His nickname is “Da Hulk” - not “The Hulk,” …DA HULK. Straight GANGSTA SIZE.

This is the kind of size I need; mass so immense that it commands respect. Traps so large that when people see you walking down the street they assume your purpose on this Earth is to conquer. Arms so big that they don’t start fights, they stop them, because your opponents simply forfeit site-on-seen. Scene? Site-on-scene. Seen on site? Whatever, people fucking give up - is the point I’m trying to make.

Watch this video of CT Fletcher and Keven “Da Hulk” Washington.

How frightened are you right now? The intensity in this video is almost unsettling. CT could talk a little less, but I sure as hell ain’t going to tell him to shut up. ”405 lbs FOR A WARM UP.” I can’t even bench 405 for 1 rep. Fuck me.

CT Fletcher doesn’t even need to spot Da Hulk, all he needs to do is yell “Hulk Smash” and hundreds of pounds of iron, steel, and testosterone magically rises into the air. I hope it becomes a fad and people start pause-benching so their spotters can yell “HULK SMASH” each rep (Two Scoopers, please start doing this so we can spot each other at the gym).

-Tony “Two Scoops” Muscoli

Meet Brittany Renner:

I am fairly certain that she is famous because her Instagram game is ON POINT:

Renner has a 6-pack and a thick ass and she flaunts that shit all over the internet. Like… DAT BOOTY:

Here is the “Fitness” video she did for WSHH. I am going to warn you, this is most def not safe for work. It isn’t even really safe in any public setting actually. The only thing this video doesn’t show is vag. You get full on ass shots; I KNOW I saw a nipple in there somewhere; shit is straight up hardcore softcore and the side effects of watching include, but are not limited to: boner, double boner, and an overwhelming urge to do squats. The fact that this was touted as a fitness video is laughable, but also qualifies it to be posted on this blog. So sit back, relax, shut the blinds, close the door, grab the Vaseline, and turn on some music so your roommates can’t hear you treating your dick as a Shake Weight:

-Tony “Two Scoops” Muscoli

Leading up to the Super Bowl, Bud Light teased us with this:

And this…

And then, during yesterday’s slaughter, they aired this:

The commercial was just as amazing as anybody would expect, because Arnold. You also better believe that Arnold threw that match. No way Arnold would lose at anything, especially to Joe Bud Light here.

Also, Don Cheadle with a llama… “Donnie Llama, yea I just got that.”

-Tony “Two Scoops” Muscoli