Two Scoops. Get Huge.

Watch UCF Freshman running back William Stanback run over Rutgers defensive back Anthony Cioffi like he was a parking cone that got in his way:

That hit was vicious. Luscious. Almost arrousing. So how did it happen? I’ll tell you how. Here is each player’s high school recruitment bio:

Y’all notice any difference? Yea, Stanback is an inch shorter, and 25 pounds heavier than Cioffi. No wonder Cioffi got run over - hard to deal with that kind of mass differential.

Stanback looks like he has spent some time in the weight room. Check out that arm:

NOT FUCKING BAD Stanback. I bet all 6 feet, 180 lbs of Cioffi is going to be thinking about hitting the weights ‘n’ shakes after that rude awakening. I mean, come on bro, 180 lbs? Time to add some mass, you are a big boy now.

-Tony “Two Scoops” Muscoli

Members of an elite DEA task force find themselves being taken down one by one after they rob a drug cartel safe house.

Hold onto your dicks and tits, this is going to be AAAAAAH-MAZING:

Fuck me did you guys see that shit? Explosions, burning money, assault rifles, acrobatic babes, Terrence Howard, one-liners, AKs, other guns I can’t name, drugs, piles of cash, ARNOLD. This is going to be incredible! In fact, all these awesome Arnold action movies right now (Escape Plan, Expendables 3, Terminator 5) are making me kind of mad that Schwarzenegger took a break from being a movie star to pursue his political career.

I get it, he can do anything and everything he wants. He is The King and if he wants to be a Governor he is going to be a fucking Governor. Yet I feel like we were robbed of two terms worth of quality action star while he was busy lowering his approval rating as Governor in California.

No matter, Arnold looks like he is on his way to outdoing Clint Eastwood in old-man-badassness.

Only problem? This movie does not come out until 2014.
What are you suppose to do until then? I recommend watching Escape Plan and jerking off to Pumping Iron to pass the time, that is what I’ll be doing anyway.

-Tony “Two Scoops” Muscoli

Can we PLEASE get these guys together to form the World’s Swolest Dance Crew? Have them monster flex all over the competition on ABDC? I would watch the shit out of that.

-Tony “Two Step” Muscoli

Earlier this year, Brian Wilson was offered $1 Million dollars by 800Razors.com to shave his illustrious beard. He turned it down.

Recently, Wilson became a free agent and New York Yankees GM Brian Cashman reached out to Wilson to inquire about a spot in the their bullpen…

Yup, Wilson told the Yankees’ no-facial hair policy to screw. I wonder how many millions of dollars in total Brian Wilson will have forgone in order to keep his trusted facial companion.

Brian Wilson’s conviction is strong, almost to a fault. It is incredible. He bends for no man, and no dollar amount. I am convinced somebody could offer him the world and he still wouldn’t shave. It is so insanely manly I don’t know what to do with myself. All I can do is look in the mirror at my pathetic stubble and cry as I shave it off so I can retain some level of professionalism when I attend my pathetic desk job tomorrow.

SO. MUCH. RESPECT.

-Tony “Two Scoops” Muscoli

That is pretty much it; A video of rapper Drake deadlifting 275 lbs.

His back is rounder than Ronnie Coleman’s bicep peak. If he keeps that shitty form up, I’d sell my tickets to his next show because it is going to get canceled when he pops a vertebrae.

Watch the video:

Arnold gets egged IN THE FACE and doesn’t flinch an inch. Hell, he doesn’t even stop smiling. Instead of retaliating, King Schwarzenegger just takes off his suit jacket to show off his still massive chest and assert his dominance. Arnold is so alpha. A true Austrian-American hero.

To top it all off, when asked about the incident, he brings the best possible comeback, he demands more protein:

Reporter: “You got hit by an egg, what do you think about that?”
Arnold: “Well this guy owes me bacon now. There is no two ways about it.”

And you better believe that Arnold made that guy fry him up some bacon - I have no doubt.

-Tony “Two Scoops” Muscoli

The Gainz Gremlin has many avatars, yet this evil little swolemonger has once again taken the form of Planet Fitness.

What insurance policy has a specific clause directed towards those three specific exercises?! It is almost cliché how ridiculous this is. What’s next, Pizza Fridays at your local Planet Fitness?

-Tony “Two Scoops” Muscoli